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Post by goods on Mar 10, 2008 8:21:39 GMT -5
(from ionysis's thread) He stirs emotion in you, good and bad. You crave it. I am the same way, an emotional addict. You are addicted to the rollercoaster, the pain and pleasure. It sucks you back into him, you both love and hate him. Emotional pain is better than no emotion at all, you feel alive even when you are hurting.
That is me, codependent? Yes, dependent on the trauma and turmoil in her life, her need to be saved. My need to save. My need to feel. My need to feel needed, valuable, indispensable, she filled that need. She and I were the "perfect pair", neither healthy or whole alone, but we completed each other. Our dependencies were a match, until they lead into the inevitable self destruction of both of us. She continues to throw herself into relationships, shallow and easy, they last a few months. And when the spark, the excitement of something new has burned away, when he realizes there is nothing deeper, that he doesn't like what he sees underneath, when he tires of the sex, he pulls the plug and she is devastated once again.
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Post by redskyatnight on Mar 10, 2008 14:38:45 GMT -5
Its a huge step that you are able to recognize that. Now, what are you going to do about it?
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Post by goods on Mar 10, 2008 14:50:05 GMT -5
Its a huge step that you are able to recognize that. Now, what are you going to do about it? I am walking the knife's edge right now. But being far enough from the situation to be somewhat objective helps. No contact worked for me before, it will work again. If it comes to that. The future for me in relationships will be much different than the past.
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Post by redskyatnight on Mar 10, 2008 14:54:21 GMT -5
You what I find most admirable about you goods, besides all your flirting , you have the skill and the willpower to look inside, make changes and act on them. I believe your next relationship will be different. I admire your strength.
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Post by goods on Mar 10, 2008 15:02:21 GMT -5
Thanks Seyfert..... I don't know how strong I truly am, but I have been trying to look inside. No longer do I blame her or have any anger for her. I am trying to just learn from the pain I went through, the reasons why, my mistakes and bad choices. Hopefully I will be able to draw on those experiences in the future.
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Post by jules on Mar 10, 2008 15:07:01 GMT -5
Thanks Seyfert..... I don't know how strong I truly am, but I have been trying to look inside. No longer do I blame her or have any anger for her. I am trying to just learn from the pain I went through, the reasons why, my mistakes and bad choices. Hopefully I will be able to draw on those experiences in the future. Amen.
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Post by goods on Mar 16, 2008 10:00:30 GMT -5
Emotional Trials of Fire.....
Her life is a trainwreck, bad choices lead to bad consequences. So the dogs have returned to me, returned home. They are family, they come with good and bad. Getting them pulls back the bandage, exposes the wound to the emotional air. The addiction of the drama that is her life. Part of me fed off of that, part of me craves that again. To be close to the train wreck, to feel the heat, to hear the crushing of the metal, the anguish. It is my drug, I have been clean for so long, yet now I flirt with it again. I have told her I can not help her be healthy, only she can do that... I must tell myself the same thing many times each day. All too easy it would be to sink back in, like the heroin den of old it awaits me and has the appeal that the codependency brings. Many times a day I tell myself, I can not save her, it is not my job, it would only postpone, prolong our pain. She must fight her demons alone and I will continue to fight mine.
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Post by sheyd on Mar 16, 2008 10:08:37 GMT -5
Keep re-reading that last line - it is VERY true. If she has you to "save her" she isn't saved, she is merely resting on someone else's bedrock. You can't be that for her. She isn't looking for a temporary rest until she can shoulder her own burdens again. Let her be strong and independent, then she can be someone's REAL partner. Until then... she will just be a leech you will be so proud of keeping alive.
Shey
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blu
Full Member
Posts: 145
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Post by blu on Mar 19, 2008 0:13:37 GMT -5
I agree Amen Goods! You just can't fix someone else's broke and you cannot will them to fix it themselves.
You are getting stronger and strogner each day, but damnit I wish we didn't have to get stronger in these ways!
Blu
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Post by jules on Mar 19, 2008 1:20:44 GMT -5
but damnit I wish we didn't have to get stronger in these ways! i concur, blu. so true.
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