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Post by hoodieprincess on Mar 10, 2008 10:07:47 GMT -5
So, I have a question for you all...
I was informed this weekend by a good friend that she'd like me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I was honored. I have a couple concerns however and am not sure on how to address them. Direct and honest is always best but I also want to be tactful and I am not sure on what etiquette would be involved.
1st, they are looking at getting the bridesmaid dresses on-line because they are cheaper. Great. I am all about cheaper. But, I am such a weird shape that I don't know that getting a dress on-line is even an option for me. The 1st girl would be easy...She's not over-curvy and is like a size 4 (maybe). I am, well, bigger and have very much an hour-glass as far as my figure goes. It's easy for dresses to fit weird or not at all. To get a dress on-line means easily running the risk of getting one that doesn't fit (as I've learned I have to wear a range of sizes depending on the cut of the dress, etc.). I can't afford to spend the money (nor do we have the extra time as they just decided they are getting married in June) to get a dress that doesn't fit. I don't know how to get around that! I tried to make the suggestion this weekend that we don't get our dresses on-line but it seemed to fall on deaf ears.
Secondly, is budget. I believe that my friend Amber would be respectful in regards to budget and not go over-the-top but she's not sure what she's looking for yet and some of the dresses she was looking at this weekend were fairly pricey. I know that if it is out of my budget, I might have to respectfully decline being in the wedding.
But, how does one go about doing that if required?! I have only been in one other wedding and everything went really well. They found dresses that were actually homecoming dresses so that we weren't paying an arm and a leg for dresses we'd never wear again. And, we got them at a store so I could try on a couple and make sure it fit the way it needed to. But, this has put me in a bit of a tight spot and I am not sure where to go from here.
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JC
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Post by JC on Mar 10, 2008 10:17:53 GMT -5
hour glass isnt a weird shape  but if you are 'extra' curvy, you would probably have to have the dress altered anyway, some places will do this for a reasonable price. as far as not being able to afford a dress, if you are close to this friend, and to be a bridesmaid in a wedding i would assume that you are pretty close, she probably already knows your money situation, so i would just let her know upfront. maybe she could keep that in mind while looking at the dresses. then again, it is THEIR day, and some people really take that to the extreme, and dont like any imput on the decision making. ever seen bridezillas? lol |
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Post by rocko on Mar 10, 2008 11:00:03 GMT -5
No. 1. Get the dress a little big and have it altered to fit you.
No. 2. Tell her what you have to spend and ask her if it is over that does she plan to pay for the difference.
I am very blunt and upfront. I am going to be a maiden of honor Next September. She told me that once she decides on colors she is going to let me pick out the dresses for the bridesmaids.
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Post by murdock on Mar 10, 2008 11:19:21 GMT -5
I was just in a wedding last November. My girlfriend had waited last minute to do everything... and some of the maids were out of state. Suggest a day where the bride and all the maids go out and try on dresses (you will usually be able to order what you find online). It is fun and then you offer positive feed back. No bride wants unhappy maids.... but be polite and let her make the final decision. I gave my "filtered" opinion about each dress she had picked out. I told her that I was totally willing to wear anything she wanted. The other maids were being a pain in the ass about it. She trusted my opinion because I was considering everyones needs, not just my own. She didn't really inquire with the others after they gave her a hard time.
As for the money thing... I had to shell out $150 for my dress, $50 for my wrap, $35 for jewelery, and I travel to and from Las Vegas for the wedding. She is a really good friend of mine and I didn't mind... but her mother gifted $100 to me and the other maids. Being a maid is a huge financial commitment. You are going to have to pitch in with the other maids for numerous things including the prizes and souvenirs for the bridal shower and the bachlorette party. We also decorated the bridal suite with candles, champagne and rose petals which was absolutely beautiful.... but an extra $30 each. You should really think about this if you are strapped for cash.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Mar 10, 2008 11:45:45 GMT -5
It is a financial commitment for sure. And, I can afford some of it. She's not going into this thinking we need to go all out for all the extra's that's for sure. She is a pretty modest person as far as what her expectations of us are. So, I don't know that she's going to go way over-the-top as far as the price of the dress I'll be wearing. There is only going to be 2 of us standing for her and really, I was shocked she asked me. We are pretty good friends but not the best of friends. Actually, we don't even have eachother's phone numbers now that I think about it! I hang out with her and her hubby at my best friend's house all the time. We were more friends-of-friends so to speak. And, we all are pretty close these days but her telling me this weekend that she planned on me standing for her was kind of a suprise. I think we'll be looking at dresses again here soon and I am sure we'll try and look at some bridesmaid dresses while we're there. I know Saturday we were hitting up the prom dress sections too at places just to see what we found. I am not overly worried about affording my dress as I am sure I can make it work...
As far as picking the kind of dressdress, I am not picky about what I will be wearing. It is her day and she can have me wear whatever she likes. I think my concern is the shopping for dresses on-line thing. I have never been one to be able to purchase clothes on-line with any luck and a bridesmaid dress, well, that's a pretty damn important purchase. But, her and the maid of honor (my best friend) are certain we can find something on-line. I just worry about it fitting right...
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Post by murdock on Mar 10, 2008 12:31:56 GMT -5
How much time till the wedding?
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Post by redskyatnight on Mar 10, 2008 15:03:47 GMT -5
Do you know the style that is most likely to fit? Maybe you can hang out with them when they are looking and give some input.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Mar 11, 2008 9:13:07 GMT -5
The wedding is June 16th...
And, I don't have one style that fits better than the others...Really, I haven't had to worry much about trying on dresses until I had been in my best friend's wedding last year. It was then that I realized that depending on the size, who made it, the style, fabric, etc, some fit and some totally didn't at all. I guess we'll see how it goes. We were talking about trying to get together in two weeks to look at dresses again but the two of them are going to look on-line in the meantime. I think that this evening I am going to talk to my best friend more (she's the matron of honor and most of the driving force in the finding a dress on-line part) and voice my concerns. Overall, this is Amber's day and Amber's wedding and she has the final say so but maybe if I can make my best friend understand my concern more, things will go a little more smooth in the finding a dress category.
Thanks for the input and ideas everyone!!
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Post by jules on Mar 11, 2008 9:56:57 GMT -5
I'm sure it'll be fine. Just a couple of ideas that make it a lot easier on women of all shapes and ages: one is the two piece option -- often they all have the same skirt (a-line, straight, whatever) and can choose a top that is most flattering on them. another is when the bride chooses the fabric color of a particular designer and asks the bridesmaids to choose whatever style they want by that designer that comes in that color.
If you have confidence that the bride is reasonable (i.e. NOT bridezilla!) I'm sure it will all work out well.
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Post by Magalucia on Mar 11, 2008 17:26:50 GMT -5
Is the bride open to having the brides maids wear the same color, same material, but different dress? This is what I did for my wedding. My sisters, cousins, and friends are all so different in style, shape and size, I just asked them all to wear a champagne colored dress and they got to pick whatever they wanted. It worked out well. Well, the wedding worked out well. I don't blame the demise of the marriage on the brides maids dresses.  |
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newts
New Member
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Post by newts on Mar 14, 2008 5:18:05 GMT -5
Respect is honesty, however, I believe your friend "will" respectful when it comes to price.
I just paid for my bridesmaids dresses - That way you can choose what you like!
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Post by hoodieprincess on Mar 14, 2008 11:40:31 GMT -5
Whew...Got the not buying bridesmaid dresses on-line thing off the table. It is not going to happen now. Thank goodness. I went to my best friend first and asked her about it. We had a really good talk about it and then I asked her how to broach the subject to Amber. We both went to talk to her and got that cleared up. I am really relieved actually! lol
And, I think price will be fair and not so much of an issue now either.
The funny part was, when I went to talk to my best friend (the maid-of-honor), she had some of the same concerns as me but she had others too. Those ones won't be brought up...She's afraid our dresses will not be, uh, classy. lol Oh well. We'll do what we can to make Amber's day special!!
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