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Post by wizer on Mar 13, 2008 14:11:44 GMT -5
Jessica,
I have apologized to you on the phone
I have sent you letters saying I have been the best father I can be based on my own childhood experiences and adult role models.
I have sent you gifts..offered to take you places..called you multiple times per week over the course of a year.
You have rejected me as your parent.
For now, I give up, but my door is open.
Enough is Enough.
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Post by sheyd on Mar 13, 2008 15:08:49 GMT -5
I don't think this is "giving up", is it? Letting her choose her path, but keeping available? I would still say try every now and then - just so she KNOWS the door is open... that might make her feel more confident coming THROUGH that door when she is ready.
I hope she comes back sooner than later - for both of you.
Shey
PS Welcome, the REAL Steve...
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Post by ionysis on Mar 13, 2008 22:17:15 GMT -5
You know Steve, just as in our break ups it may just be that when you stop "pursuing" her or being so available is when she realises just how much she misses you.
I'm sure Sheyd is rght about the odd reminder "I'm still here and I still love you and always will" type of thing but perhaps you taking a step back isn't such a bad thing. I'm sure for you the constant rejection must be sapping your emotional reserves very much.
Although I stand by what I said before - don't give up, don't be tempted to ever close that door no matter what she says - allowing yourself to stop the recurring efforts to get her back might be healthiest right now for both of you?
Hell, what do I know, I don't even have kids, but you've tried everything else, right?
I so hope this works out for you and that this long drawn out process can reach an end soon.
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Post by wizer on Mar 13, 2008 22:24:33 GMT -5
Hell, what do I know, I don't even have kids, but you've tried everything else, right? I so hope this works out for you and that this long drawn out process can reach an end soon. Short of kidnapping her I have tried everything. Maybe when she sees how much fun her younger sister is having she will rethink things. I just saw my younger daughter tonight. Everytime I see her I give her a present or something. Let her sister see what she's missing. At one time I would give her something to give my older daughter. I dont do that anymore.
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Post by Magalucia on Mar 14, 2008 3:32:27 GMT -5
You have rejected me as your parent. When Maggie is upset or frustrated with me she will pull away and either gesture like she wants to hit me or throw something at me. She will generally remain upset for a while and then lift her hands up at me or hug me around the hips. She pushes me away, works herself up, and then needs mommy to reassure her. I tell you this because I don't think J is rejecting you as a parent. I think she is acting a bit like Maggie. She is throwing a protracted tantrum, I don't mean to minimize her feelings, but she is angry way out of proportion to anything you might have done or not done. But you are the perfect target. Who else can we beat up on, push away, and still expect to love us, if not a parent? I know you feel beaten down. Enjoy your time with Nikki. You have been through some dark times and made your way through. You will make it through this too. She will come around. She will.
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Post by wizer on Mar 14, 2008 9:49:53 GMT -5
Thanks for the responses guys.
I would never shut her out of my life...and I always ask about her when I am with her sister, like I was last night.
Perhaps she will come around in time, perhaps not. I am not going to keep beating myself up by putting myself out there...and in a way I think it becomes a "power struggle". So she can come to me, if and when she's ready. For the moment I am ecstatic that my youngest has found a comfortable place in the middle of this whole thing and we enjoy our time together like we did yesterday.
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Jaded
Full Member
Posts: 223
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Post by Jaded on Mar 15, 2008 20:03:36 GMT -5
As i have told you before I went thru this with my own daughter when she was about 13. It lasted a few years....I never stopped being loving and caring even tho she pushed me away. One day it was like a lightbulb went off in her head and she embraced me. I have been as close to her since (and prior to this we were too) as a parent and daughter can be.
The key is to not make her think you gave up. You think she doens't notice the things you do or the reaching out. They do. Kids, especially teenagers, are extremely observant. they notice everything. If they perceive you give up, so do they.
Being a teenage girl is one of the most confusing things on earth. I've been there. That was the hardest time of my life as i went thru a lot of turmoil with my parents as well with a divorce and a mental illness with my father.
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Post by wizer on Mar 15, 2008 20:06:59 GMT -5
G-
The problem is..I need to be selfish on this one. I don't do well in the grey. The floundering in the midst of uncertainty, having my attempts rebuffed...being "rejected" by a girl who I raised from infancy...is too much to handle at times. So in order to keep myself emotionally stable and functional, I have to stop reaching out. It was taking too much out of me.
Not that I disagree with you, I don't. I just can't do it right now.
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Jaded
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Posts: 223
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Post by Jaded on Mar 15, 2008 20:31:26 GMT -5
Trust me, i know you don't do well in the grey.
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Post by wizer on Mar 15, 2008 20:32:51 GMT -5
Trust me, i know you don't do well in the grey. JS, I do trust you and I know that you know that I don't do well in the grey.
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Jaded
Full Member
Posts: 223
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Post by Jaded on Mar 15, 2008 20:35:33 GMT -5
Well.. all i know is that you know that i know you don't do well in the grey.
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Post by Dave on Mar 15, 2008 20:37:42 GMT -5
Trust me, i know you don't do well in the grey. JS, I do trust you and I know that you know that I don't do well in the grey. but you're the grey yeti of the empire state.
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Post by wizer on Mar 15, 2008 20:38:18 GMT -5
Well.. all i know is that you know that i know you don't do well in the grey. I always knew that you knew that.
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Jaded
Full Member
Posts: 223
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Post by Jaded on Mar 15, 2008 20:46:41 GMT -5
You are so profound. LMAO.
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Post by wizer on Mar 15, 2008 21:02:40 GMT -5
You are so profound. LMAO.[/quote Hey, I am in a picturesque mood, and that was the best choice of the first page of the Google image search and I was too lazy to check any other pages.
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