Post by shattered on Apr 1, 2008 20:59:05 GMT -5
He dumped me six months and one day ago.
That very morning he had made love to me and afterwards held me in his arms, like always, telling me he loves me.
That very afternoon he told me how excited he was about our Thanksgiving plans (we were going to visit an uncle of mine) and about going to see the “Nutcracker” again in December.
That evening he told me the relationship was “too hard” and “too painful”—that “he’ll always love me” but can’t do it anymore. He cried and said he was sorry. I begged him over two hours not to end it.
He stopped crying, I was clinging to him, he physically extracted himself from me.
I asked him: “Just this morning you made love to me, and now you’re telling me that you’re planning on walking out my apartment and never seeing me again as long as you live?” He looked me calmly in the eye and, without missing a beat, said “yes.”
His last words to me as he walked out my door and my life were “see ya.”
I still can’t believe he actually said that.
We were together for over two and a half years. Engaged for 6 months. The relationship was so often a struggle. He was divorced with two kids. He felt guilty about initiating the divorce and was largely consumed with seeing his kids and doing stuff for them. I always played second fiddle.
I understand that in many respects kids have to come first, but just take my word for it that he totally over did it to the point of obsession. The kids really liked me, and I liked them. I bonded especially closely with his teenage daughter. They never made this difficult, he did. And now I’ve lost them too. She wanted to see me at first, but I just couldn't. It was, and still is too painful. I would just fall apart if I saw her.
He could be extremely difficult and cold and distant. But he could also be so wonderful and warm and affectionate and thoughtful. In many ways I felt we were perfect for each other despite the difficulties. I loved him so much, and I believe that he loved me.
He told me so often that he loves me, and was physically affectionate, the best snuggler in the whole entire world. We were always excited about going to bed together, even if we were both too tired for sex, just snuggling and falling asleep together was always a treat for both of us. We had all these goofy fun little routines, with me flashing my boobs, etc.
I’m so scared I’ll never have that again. And I can’t imagine it with anyone else.
I know I shouldn’t be pining for him—there were so many things wrong with the relationship. He was a coward and a weakling. He lied to me. He finally admitted that for a long time he had wanted to end it, that I had indeed not been paranoid, that he had given me false reassurances. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me this earlier, he said “it was hard.”
Oh.
Not hard to keep sleeping with me and telling me we’re actually getting married.
Not too hard to make love to me that morning and dump me that night.
Not to hard to keep lying to me that “everything is fine” when I asked him again and again over months whether there is something wrong. Often, he would even get mad at me and ask me “Why are you being so paranoid?!”
This from the self-proclaimed man of honor and integrity.
The man who, whenever I said I really felt like something was wrong, got so upset saying that it “hurts” him that I don’t believe him, because “honesty defines the core of his being.” (Yes, his exact words!)
The man who said “I would NEVER play with your emotions.”
The man who then told me that he’s breaking up with me because it’s too hard since I never believe anything he says!
WHAT??? Does he really not see this circular reasoning?
I keep trying to work up the healthy, distancing anger, but no matter what, I am still overcome with pain, and I miss him so much.
I thought he was so decent and honorable. If he turned out like this, who can I ever trust again?
Yes, I admit, at age 40, with not a good track record of attracting potential mates, I am terrified I am going to remain alone. I did perfectly well being alone the vast majority of my adult life, but now I finally, finally want to share my life with someone.
All my friends and acquaintances, male and female, tell me not to worry since I look like 30 and I’m attractive. Yes, I look very young and I think I’m very attractive, but I don’t have anyone beating down my door, and it doesn’t change the fact that I have lived for 40 years, and have less time to find someone that if I really were still 30.
I have so much love and passion to give. Why doesn’t anyone want it? Why doesn’t HE want it?
He just threw me away like a piece of human trash.
That very morning he had made love to me and afterwards held me in his arms, like always, telling me he loves me.
That very afternoon he told me how excited he was about our Thanksgiving plans (we were going to visit an uncle of mine) and about going to see the “Nutcracker” again in December.
That evening he told me the relationship was “too hard” and “too painful”—that “he’ll always love me” but can’t do it anymore. He cried and said he was sorry. I begged him over two hours not to end it.
He stopped crying, I was clinging to him, he physically extracted himself from me.
I asked him: “Just this morning you made love to me, and now you’re telling me that you’re planning on walking out my apartment and never seeing me again as long as you live?” He looked me calmly in the eye and, without missing a beat, said “yes.”
His last words to me as he walked out my door and my life were “see ya.”
I still can’t believe he actually said that.
We were together for over two and a half years. Engaged for 6 months. The relationship was so often a struggle. He was divorced with two kids. He felt guilty about initiating the divorce and was largely consumed with seeing his kids and doing stuff for them. I always played second fiddle.
I understand that in many respects kids have to come first, but just take my word for it that he totally over did it to the point of obsession. The kids really liked me, and I liked them. I bonded especially closely with his teenage daughter. They never made this difficult, he did. And now I’ve lost them too. She wanted to see me at first, but I just couldn't. It was, and still is too painful. I would just fall apart if I saw her.
He could be extremely difficult and cold and distant. But he could also be so wonderful and warm and affectionate and thoughtful. In many ways I felt we were perfect for each other despite the difficulties. I loved him so much, and I believe that he loved me.
He told me so often that he loves me, and was physically affectionate, the best snuggler in the whole entire world. We were always excited about going to bed together, even if we were both too tired for sex, just snuggling and falling asleep together was always a treat for both of us. We had all these goofy fun little routines, with me flashing my boobs, etc.
I’m so scared I’ll never have that again. And I can’t imagine it with anyone else.
I know I shouldn’t be pining for him—there were so many things wrong with the relationship. He was a coward and a weakling. He lied to me. He finally admitted that for a long time he had wanted to end it, that I had indeed not been paranoid, that he had given me false reassurances. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me this earlier, he said “it was hard.”
Oh.
Not hard to keep sleeping with me and telling me we’re actually getting married.
Not too hard to make love to me that morning and dump me that night.
Not to hard to keep lying to me that “everything is fine” when I asked him again and again over months whether there is something wrong. Often, he would even get mad at me and ask me “Why are you being so paranoid?!”
This from the self-proclaimed man of honor and integrity.
The man who, whenever I said I really felt like something was wrong, got so upset saying that it “hurts” him that I don’t believe him, because “honesty defines the core of his being.” (Yes, his exact words!)
The man who said “I would NEVER play with your emotions.”
The man who then told me that he’s breaking up with me because it’s too hard since I never believe anything he says!
WHAT??? Does he really not see this circular reasoning?
I keep trying to work up the healthy, distancing anger, but no matter what, I am still overcome with pain, and I miss him so much.
I thought he was so decent and honorable. If he turned out like this, who can I ever trust again?
Yes, I admit, at age 40, with not a good track record of attracting potential mates, I am terrified I am going to remain alone. I did perfectly well being alone the vast majority of my adult life, but now I finally, finally want to share my life with someone.
All my friends and acquaintances, male and female, tell me not to worry since I look like 30 and I’m attractive. Yes, I look very young and I think I’m very attractive, but I don’t have anyone beating down my door, and it doesn’t change the fact that I have lived for 40 years, and have less time to find someone that if I really were still 30.
I have so much love and passion to give. Why doesn’t anyone want it? Why doesn’t HE want it?
He just threw me away like a piece of human trash.