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Post by Phoenixx on Jun 6, 2008 8:57:48 GMT -5
Apparantly now waiting a month before intimacy will cause a man to stop being an 'interest' and just be 'a friend'. What happened to dating? Am I the last woman on earth who likes going out to dinner, bowling, concerts and whatever else that can inspire conversation and a little lets-get-to-know-eachother before all the clothes come off? I mean, I'm not saying lets all wait until marriage, but whats wrong with waiting a little? At least longer than a month?
What does everyone think? Is there such a thing as too-soon sex, or should it be within a certain time frame before you lose interest?
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Post by freckles on Jun 6, 2008 9:39:52 GMT -5
I was Married within a Month to my ExWife
I think it should be longer
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Post by sheyd on Jun 6, 2008 10:07:39 GMT -5
I think each person should have their OWN timeline. I do think, though, since you are aware others have their own timeline, too, communication is key. I am a sooner rather than later person, myself, and if someone isn't showing the desire, I might think they have no interest in me. If they TELL me they have the desire, but want to wait, I would consider that a HUGE turn on and would probably wait as long as they need. However, I would still need to be told there IS sexual interest, or I would probably assume they are just looking for a friend to hang out with. Have you been letting him know it is a deliberate waiting, and not that you don't find him attractive?
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Post by Phoenixx on Jun 6, 2008 10:27:34 GMT -5
Oh, its not a personal thing (there is no 'him'  ) but I just wondered. I agreed that there should be communication - hey, I like you but I'd rather not jump in the sack. But in the past, I have been told to put out or they'd leave. Which I promptly said - "leave then." I'm not big on changing my personal views for anyone, just as much I dont expect anyone to change their views for me. And frecks - I dont want to marry every guy I meet -certainly not in a month!!  I've been out of this dating loop for a while, so I'm just wondering whether its okay to wait in this freaking fast-paced moving world? |
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Post by sheyd on Jun 6, 2008 10:29:59 GMT -5
It is TOTALLY ok. Any guy who can't wait isn't the right guy for you.
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Post by jules on Jun 6, 2008 10:50:25 GMT -5
i think both people need to be comfortable. if they can talk about their level of comfort and why they are or aren't ready to let things progress physically, all the better.
don't ever let anyone think that you're wrong for doing what is best for you, and don't ever let anyone manipulate you into doing what does not feel comfortable and natural for you.
personally, i really enjoy physical expression, but would rather take it slow on actually having sex. there is sooooo much inbetween that is so much fun. ;D and i think that's more appropriate when you're just casually dating and getting to know each other than having sex with every person with whom you spend an evening. but that's just me.
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Post by jules on Jun 6, 2008 11:08:22 GMT -5
by the way, i recently read that the majority of men don't know whether or not they really like a woman until after they sleep with her. if that's true, it sort of sucks to wait until after you like the dude to sleep with him because then feelings get hurt if he's not interested in pursuing anything further. it's a bit of a catch 22. but i still maintain you have to go with the pace that feels right for you.
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Post by wizer on Jun 6, 2008 15:46:03 GMT -5
by the way, i recently read that the majority of men don't know whether or not they really like a woman until after they sleep with her. if that's true, it sort of sucks to wait until after you like the dude to sleep with him because then feelings get hurt if he's not interested in pursuing anything further. it's a bit of a catch 22. but i still maintain you have to go with the pace that feels right for you. So you gotta have sex with the guy as early as possible in the relationship. Why waste time and get emotionally involved if he's just going to drop you after you have sex? That's why one night stands are good. |
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Post by gdgross on Jun 6, 2008 16:25:46 GMT -5
If I'm really into a girl, I will wait as long as I need to. It's really that simple.
If I'm not into her, I'll end it, regardless of the sexual situation.
Don't misunderstand: I like sex as much as the next guy. But, sex is not the only thing that keeps me in a relationship.
PS - Back before I married my ex, I believed God wanted me to wait until I got married to have sex. So I did. It was a major pain in the ass, and I actually believe that it contributed to my divorce, in a roundabout kind of way.
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Post by jules on Jun 7, 2008 15:19:21 GMT -5
by the way, i recently read that the majority of men don't know whether or not they really like a woman until after they sleep with her. if that's true, it sort of sucks to wait until after you like the dude to sleep with him because then feelings get hurt if he's not interested in pursuing anything further. it's a bit of a catch 22. but i still maintain you have to go with the pace that feels right for you. So you gotta have sex with the guy as early as possible in the relationship. Why waste time and get emotionally involved if he's just going to drop you after you have sex? That's why one night stands are good. hey, if it works for you and your partner(s), go for it. i've no desire to get emotionally involved with anyone at this point anyway, so it's sort of a moot point for me. |
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Post by Kim Possible on Jun 8, 2008 7:54:23 GMT -5
To answer the original question: AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!  ;D  But seriously, it all depends on the comfort level of both parties involved. My theory is, I prefer to know what I am getting into in that department. I have been on too many dates where 'that' just wasn't there, and was glad I didn't prolong it. I recall one guy that wanted to wait, and was looking for a relationship. It was going slow and steady....very slow and very steady. I pushed to go forward, and I could see he was more than happy to wait (even just a kiss was tough to get outta him). Long story short, I wasn't feelin' it. OTOH, I got into a situation where, in hindsight, I realize that that is all they were looking for. It was one of my first post-separation dates. Oh well. I didn't intend on it being a two-night stand, but apparnetly he did  |
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Post by jules on Jun 8, 2008 13:28:37 GMT -5
sometimes i wish i could just see sex as just a biological function or a fun activity rather than the deepest physical expression of intimacy possible. |
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Post by goods on Jun 9, 2008 8:36:58 GMT -5
sometimes i wish i could just see sex as just a biological function or a fun activity rather than the deepest physical expression of intimacy possible. Tequila will help you with that.... if that's what you want. |
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Post by sheyd on Jun 9, 2008 9:45:09 GMT -5
Tequila will help you with that.... if that's what you want. No, it won't - it may let her do things, but she still has to face what happened in the morning! Don't let anything make you feel like you should change who you are sexually! If that is what it is to you, there is NOTHING wrong with that! Just make sure your partner feels the same way, or be willing to accept what it means if they don't. |
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Post by jules on Jun 9, 2008 12:25:59 GMT -5
nah, i've gotta be true to myself, and i'm pretty happy with who i am.  any partner or potential partner who doesn't dig it, isn't for me anyway. i like playing by my own rules. |
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) but I just wondered. I agreed that there should be communication - hey, I like you but I'd rather not jump in the sack. But in the past, I have been told to put out or they'd leave. Which I promptly said - "leave then." I'm not big on changing my personal views for anyone, just as much I dont expect anyone to change their views for me. 
;D 
