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Post by shattered on Aug 26, 2008 7:52:14 GMT -5
Sounds like a total weirdo. I like him already. I promise I will only put one "but" in this post. Enjoy, but (oops, that's two) if he is truly the one for you, he will be ok with taking things at your pace. So don't feel bad if you have days when you're just freaked out by the whole thing. I would. And I figured you were this ravishing hottie all along and were just playing coy with us. This confirms it. ;D Ha ha -- thanks, JimB!
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Post by shattered on Aug 26, 2008 8:17:50 GMT -5
IqdKaos -- thank you for being so honest with your opinions!
I really appreciate your comments, party pooper or not. I really need to stay grounded.
I wanted to ask you (and Rocko) whether this factor changes your opinion of the situation:
This is *not* the first time I met him.
I met him the first time five years ago. He asked me out, and we went on three lackluster dates (or so they seemed to me), and then I didn't hear from him again. No problem.
Three years later -- in September 06 -- I get a call out of the blue from him, asking me whether I remember him and would like to meet for a drink. I was almost two years into my relationship with the ex at that time, things were going very poorly, hardly ever saw him, so I agreed to meet the French guy for a drink.
We had a nice time, he asked me whether I had a boyfriend, I said yes, and that it was serious. He kept asking me out for dinner and movies, and we just hung out as friends for about two or three months. (The ex knew all about this, and never said a peep. Typical of him. Whatever.)
Then he moved back to Paris in December 06. He has called me almost every week since then. He was happy for me when I got engaged. He was a really sweet and supportive friend to me after the break-up. He started calling me more often. And this past spring, he invited me to come visit him in August, which I just did.
He told me last week that he had liked me as much more than a friend from the beginning, but five years ago, he had just gotten out of a serious relationship and wasn't ready for something new.
Two years ago, when he got back in touch, I had a boyfriend, so he had no choice but to be just friends, he says. He admitted that when I was sobbing to him on the phone about the break-up, while he felt truly bad for me, he also felt happy, because he thought this meant that maybe in the future the two of us would have a chance.
When he started with the "I love you" and all the future talk shortly after my arrival in Paris, and I asked him to stop because it was way too early, he said for me to keep in mind that he has felt this way for two years, but had kept it inside, and now was the first time he could tell me.
The reason his moving to D.C. in September is not necessarily far-fetched is because he's lived here before, has family here, has a job waiting here for him, and has this year-long plane ticket that expires on Sept. 24 -- so that is supposedly the absolutely last day that he'll be arriving here.
Does this make him seem less option B) to you?
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Post by shattered on Aug 26, 2008 8:29:20 GMT -5
Dr Laura would say that *You* had nothing to do with how he acted He was just wanting Someone to Love I think thats OK I did not want to be a party pooper Freckles, I know what you and Dr. Laura mean. I know that that can often be the case with people. The reason I really don't think that's the case with my French guy is that it is clear to me that he has his pick of girls. I know he can have companionship and sex, serious or casual, in Paris with any number of women. I have no doubt that he likes me specifically for who I am. I'm just worried about the longevity of those feelings, and about how realistic he is being.
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Post by shattered on Aug 26, 2008 8:32:43 GMT -5
Oh honey, you are in trouble... And even if it does end in heartbreak, maybe allowing yourself to come alive again through all of this makes it worth it. I am hoping the same thing (that this will be worth it either way) -- becuase I really do feel like I have come alive again. And yes, I am in trouble, sigh..... He called me this morning and we engaged in 45 minutes of gag-inducing romantic talk. If I hadn't had to get dressed and go to work, we'd still be on the phone.
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Post by lqdKaos on Aug 26, 2008 9:07:52 GMT -5
Shattered, The back story that you posted does change my opinion, somewhat. His behaviour seems a little less odd knowing that you two have known each other for a while. I still find the way he is acting a bit odd and I would still recommend being on the alert. But it is also understandable seeing as how he has felt this way for a long time and this is the first time he has been able to express it.
The hyperness at your family gathering though, screams "Tom Cruise on Oprah or whatever show he was on when he was all hyper and jumping on the couch". That behaviour is a bit odd, and I can see why your mother said "Nobody acts that way".
Look, you have known the guy alot longer than I thought. So that is good. He is coming to the US, so that is good. He seems to genuinely like you, so that is good. Go with it. Enjoy feeling alive.
But please, for us, be on alert. Keep your eyes open for anything, not just heartbreak, but odd behaviour, strange requests for you to move or stuff like that.
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Post by jules on Aug 26, 2008 9:31:34 GMT -5
I've always tended toward being more on the cautious side, but I think that "coming alive" feeling is precious and worth some degree of risk. And even just from your posts, I can tell you are an intelligent, independent woman with a career and a full life, so I know the odds of you doing something blatantly stupid are very slim. (As tempting as it is sometimes... am I right? ) Just don't bring any of that yucky lovey-dovey talk here.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Aug 26, 2008 12:12:55 GMT -5
Holy hell have I missed a lot in my few days away!!! Well, Shattered, it seems that you are still getting to experience the high of it all. That's fun isn't it?!?! Really, I think that you are incredibly intelligent and have every right to be cautious, alert, and a bit weary from the experiences in your past. But you know better than anyone here what this guy is like. So what if he's a little hyper and so what if he took you to meet his mother! He seems to genuinely like you. And, if you've been a part of his life for this long, I don't see anything wrong with him taking you to meet her. Besides, I would say that if he really does have all of these feelings, the hyper side could be coming from him being a little high on the situation as well. I mean, you both deserve to get to be!! I have no doubts that you, as the smart woman you are, will keep your eyes open. You have time to see how you feel again after a little time apart. And, if he moves, great! You can explore it more should you choose to. If he doesn't, you can go from there. Anyhow, I just wanted to say congrats on having such an amazing time. I really am happy for you that it worked out so nicely. ;D
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Post by JimB on Aug 26, 2008 19:07:59 GMT -5
If I have a vote, I vote for throwing caution to the wind. (Not that you're likely to really do that.)
Great reward requires great risk. If we spend our lives protecting ourselves from pain, we're not living.
As you say, the acid test is whether he follows through on his promise to move back. If he bails on that, the bloom is off the rose, IMO. There's no way you'll know until then. So I say let it be what it is until then.
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super
Full Member
Posts: 122
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Post by super on Aug 27, 2008 11:19:18 GMT -5
I think it sounds like it's crazy, and too much too soon. That's how love & relationships start though!! Have fun until that infatuated feeling wears away and then decide if it's for you!
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Post by shattered on Aug 27, 2008 11:52:22 GMT -5
Shattered, The back story that you posted does change my opinion, somewhat. His behaviour seems a little less odd knowing that you two have known each other for a while. I still find the way he is acting a bit odd and I would still recommend being on the alert. But it is also understandable seeing as how he has felt this way for a long time and this is the first time he has been able to express it. The hyperness at your family gathering though, screams "Tom Cruise on Oprah or whatever show he was on when he was all hyper and jumping on the couch". That behaviour is a bit odd, and I can see why your mother said "Nobody acts that way". Look, you have known the guy alot longer than I thought. So that is good. He is coming to the US, so that is good. He seems to genuinely like you, so that is good. Go with it. Enjoy feeling alive. But please, for us, be on alert. Keep your eyes open for anything, not just heartbreak, but odd behaviour, strange requests for you to move or stuff like that. Eww, the last thing I want is an Tom-Cruise-on-Oprah's-couch kinda thing. Then again, if it's sincere, that's pretty amazing. OK, thanks for the feedback. The oddest behavior he's engaged in is the stuff I described. But I promise I will stay on alert!
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Post by shattered on Aug 27, 2008 11:56:05 GMT -5
Holy hell have I missed a lot in my few days away!!! Well, Shattered, it seems that you are still getting to experience the high of it all. That's fun isn't it?!?! Really, I think that you are incredibly intelligent and have every right to be cautious, alert, and a bit weary from the experiences in your past. But you know better than anyone here what this guy is like. So what if he's a little hyper and so what if he took you to meet his mother! He seems to genuinely like you. And, if you've been a part of his life for this long, I don't see anything wrong with him taking you to meet her. Besides, I would say that if he really does have all of these feelings, the hyper side could be coming from him being a little high on the situation as well. I mean, you both deserve to get to be!! I have no doubts that you, as the smart woman you are, will keep your eyes open. You have time to see how you feel again after a little time apart. And, if he moves, great! You can explore it more should you choose to. If he doesn't, you can go from there. Anyhow, I just wanted to say congrats on having such an amazing time. I really am happy for you that it worked out so nicely. ;D Hee hee, thanks hoodie. I just spoke to his mom on the phone (she was out of town the week that I was in Paris). I actually took him to see *my* mom. The point wasn't to have a grand introduction, just that with my mom only a four-hour train ride from Paris, I couldn't resist going for a visit, and since I was visiting him, I had to take him with me! I actually enjoyed having him be around my family alot. Despite all the hyperness. I'm just really scared this is all too good to be true.
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Post by freckles on Aug 27, 2008 12:00:10 GMT -5
Dr Laura has some good books on Relationships
A New one is the Proper Care and Feeding of Marrage
I thoght about calling Dr Laura Slessinger on the Radio
But, I did not want Her to have a Heart Attack or a stroke
If I told Her about my ExWife and Divorce
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Post by shattered on Aug 27, 2008 12:07:15 GMT -5
If I have a vote, I vote for throwing caution to the wind. (Not that you're likely to really do that.) Great reward requires great risk. If we spend our lives protecting ourselves from pain, we're not living. As you say, the acid test is whether he follows through on his promise to move back. If he bails on that, the bloom is off the rose, IMO. There's no way you'll know until then. So I say let it be what it is until then. You def. have a vote!! Yes, I think that's exactly right -- if he flakes out on moving back, the bloom is gone. Period. And that, frankly, is what I'm terrified of right now. Unsurprisingly, given my recent experience, I am plagued with insecurities, and given that this French-guy situation is so over the top, I'm even more insecure about it. I fully plan on taking a risk here (within reason), I'm just so worried that it was all in the moment for him, and that he's already starting to forget about it. He didn't call me this morning, and already I'm wondering whether that means that his feelings are starting to ebb. He's out of the country for his job, and I think he must be very busy today, but I'm a wreck. Pathetic.
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Post by shattered on Aug 27, 2008 12:14:14 GMT -5
I've always tended toward being more on the cautious side, but I think that "coming alive" feeling is precious and worth some degree of risk. And even just from your posts, I can tell you are an intelligent, independent woman with a career and a full life, so I know the odds of you doing something blatantly stupid are very slim. (As tempting as it is sometimes... am I right? ) Just don't bring any of that yucky lovey-dovey talk here. Wow -- JimB thinks I'm a closet hottie, jules and hoodie think I'm a really smart woman -- I'm glad I'm making such a good impression! Well, thank you for the compliments, jules. And in some ways you are right. Except when it comes to relationships. I have, alas, proven time and again, how I let my mind be ruled my emotions -- to the point of utter destruction -- when it comes to matters of the heart. Oh, and define "blatently stupid." In a way, I feel like even hoping that all his hyperbole has any staying power is already really stupid. I mean, is it realistic at all to think that maybe his feelings for me are going to be stable? Feeling really insecure. Ugh, I hate this. I wish it was still last week.
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Post by shattered on Aug 27, 2008 12:16:49 GMT -5
I think it sounds like it's crazy, and too much too soon. That's how love & relationships start though!! Have fun until that infatuated feeling wears away and then decide if it's for you! Yeah, I guess. Whimper. Feeling extremely pathetic right now. God, I miss him so much. Can't control it. How can this be after only a week together.
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