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Post by shattered on Nov 6, 2008 10:58:14 GMT -5
Oh man, this guy really knows how to play it. Please be careful and take good care of your heart. I'm trying to be careful. I just don't understand *why* he would go to all this trouble to play me like this. Wouldn't it be so much easier just to stop calling me> He seems so incredibly sincere. Can he be that malicious? Can he be that crazy? I just don't get it. |
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Post by rocko on Nov 6, 2008 11:04:39 GMT -5
www.truthaboutdeception.com/confront_a_liar/public/pathological-compulsive.htmlWhat is the Difference Between a Pathological, a Compulsive, a Chronic, and a Habitual Liar? Pathological Liar A pathological liar is usually defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. Pathological lying is often viewed as coping mechanism developed in early childhood and it is often associated with some other type of mental health disorder. A pathological liar is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one's way). Pathological liars have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. A pathological liar often comes across as being manipulative, cunning and self-centered. Compulsive Liar A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (see, Pathological Liar), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship (see, how to cope with a compulsive liar). www.healthdiaries.com/compulsive-lying.htmWhat is compulsive lying? Compulsive lying is a common disorder often caused by low self-esteem and a need for attention. Often, the liar does not realize how often he or she is lying because it becomes second nature or habit (indeed, it is often referred to as habitual lying). Compulsive lying alienates friends and loved ones and often brings about the opposite of what the liar wants: instead of getting the attention they often crave, they end up pushing people away. With therapy, many people can overcome their compulsion to lie and salvage their interpersonal relationships before it is too late.
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Post by jules on Nov 6, 2008 11:34:08 GMT -5
Oh man, this guy really knows how to play it. Please be careful and take good care of your heart. I'm trying to be careful. I just don't understand *why* he would go to all this trouble to play me like this. Wouldn't it be so much easier just to stop calling me> He seems so incredibly sincere. Can he be that malicious? Can he be that crazy? I just don't get it. I didn't say that he was maliciously playing YOU, just that he knows how to play IT -- how to obtain an emotional response that may overcome logic. Lots of people are good at this -- some may even refer to this as charm. One thing I always have to remind myself is that actions speak louder than words. Sure it's easy to get suckered by pretty words, but if there is no substance behind them, the words are worth nothing more than the air with which they are spoken. I think rocko's speculation that he may be a compulsive liar is worth considering. I also think it's a good thing he's returning to France, so you have time and space to consider all that you've learned in the last few weeks, and the best way for you to proceed from here. |
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Post by hoodieprincess on Nov 6, 2008 11:38:59 GMT -5
Shattered,
I know this is such a trying time for you but try and look at him leaving for a while a positive thing. It can go 1 of two ways as I see it...
A) Absence makes the heart grow fonder. He'll step up to the plate and do his part.
B) He won't. Life will move on and he's already semi-out of the picture since he isn't here physically to make it more confusing.
Either way, you have the time to focus on you and build your stregnths in yourself. You can analyze what you want from someone without Frenchie's charm getting in the way. You can be logical instead of just emotional. You can continue to build your life so that if he comes back, you're ready for him to join it and if he stays gone, you already have your own to legs to stand comfortably on.
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Post by AngelBaby on Nov 6, 2008 11:59:02 GMT -5
I was thinking about you and wondering how the talk went on Saturday......
I agree with Hoodie. Everything she said in her last post makes total and absolute sense to me. So, yeah, what she said!
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Post by shattered on Nov 6, 2008 12:20:28 GMT -5
I'm trying to be careful. I just don't understand *why* he would go to all this trouble to play me like this. Wouldn't it be so much easier just to stop calling me> He seems so incredibly sincere. Can he be that malicious? Can he be that crazy? I just don't get it. I didn't say that he was maliciously playing YOU, just that he knows how to play IT -- how to obtain an emotional response that may overcome logic. Lots of people are good at this -- some may even refer to this as charm. One thing I always have to remind myself is that actions speak louder than words. Sure it's easy to get suckered by pretty words, but if there is no substance behind them, the words are worth nothing more than the air with which they are spoken. I think rocko's speculation that he may be a compulsive liar is worth considering. I also think it's a good thing he's returning to France, so you have time and space to consider all that you've learned in the last few weeks, and the best way for you to proceed from here. Hmmm, well, I think that in this case playing "it" IS the same thing as playing me. He is misleading, leading me on, etc. I am very worried that he, indeed, might be some sort of compulsive or pathological liar. My head is such a mess, I can barely think straight anymore. |
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Post by redskyatnight on Nov 6, 2008 12:32:20 GMT -5
When in doubt, be still and wait
When doubt no longer exists for you, go forward with
courage
So long as the mists envelopes you, be still and wait
until sunlight pours through and dispels the mist
As it surely will – Then act with courage
Chief White Eagle
Ponca Nation
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Post by shattered on Nov 6, 2008 12:38:50 GMT -5
Shattered, I know this is such a trying time for you but try and look at him leaving for a while a positive thing. It can go 1 of two ways as I see it... A) Absence makes the heart grow fonder. He'll step up to the plate and do his part. B) He won't. Life will move on and he's already semi-out of the picture since he isn't here physically to make it more confusing. Either way, you have the time to focus on you and build your stregnths in yourself. You can analyze what you want from someone without Frenchie's charm getting in the way. You can be logical instead of just emotional. You can continue to build your life so that if he comes back, you're ready for him to join it and if he stays gone, you already have your own to legs to stand comfortably on. Hoodie, You are right. I know. I know. I do!! I'm trying really, really hard to do that and stay calm. Problem is, it's really hard....  Shattered |
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Post by shattered on Nov 6, 2008 12:39:35 GMT -5
When in doubt, be still and wait When doubt no longer exists for you, go forward with courage So long as the mists envelopes you, be still and wait until sunlight pours through and dispels the mist As it surely will – Then act with courage Chief White Eagle Ponca Nation That is beautiful. I'm trying... |
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Nov 6, 2008 12:56:14 GMT -5
You are more than trying my dear. Maybe we need another phone session ;D lol
Hang in there hun, you have been constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
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Post by hoodieprincess on Nov 6, 2008 12:56:10 GMT -5
Shattered, I know this is such a trying time for you but try and look at him leaving for a while a positive thing. It can go 1 of two ways as I see it... A) Absence makes the heart grow fonder. He'll step up to the plate and do his part. B) He won't. Life will move on and he's already semi-out of the picture since he isn't here physically to make it more confusing. Either way, you have the time to focus on you and build your stregnths in yourself. You can analyze what you want from someone without Frenchie's charm getting in the way. You can be logical instead of just emotional. You can continue to build your life so that if he comes back, you're ready for him to join it and if he stays gone, you already have your own to legs to stand comfortably on. Hoodie, You are right. I know. I know. I do!! I'm trying really, really hard to do that and stay calm. Problem is, it's really hard.... Shattered I know it's not easy, trust me. It is all easier said than done, I know. But, I have faith in you. You need to see the stregnth in you the rest of us see. {{HUGS}} |
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Post by shattered on Nov 6, 2008 15:21:32 GMT -5
Hoodie, You are right. I know. I know. I do!! I'm trying really, really hard to do that and stay calm. Problem is, it's really hard.... Shattered I know it's not easy, trust me. It is all easier said than done, I know. But, I have faith in you. You need to see the stregnth in you the rest of us see. {{HUGS}} Wow. Thank you for that vote of confidence. |
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Post by shattered on Nov 6, 2008 15:23:45 GMT -5
You are more than trying my dear. Maybe we need another phone session ;D lol Hang in there hun, you have been constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you! |
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Post by JimB on Nov 6, 2008 21:26:44 GMT -5
I'm reading the new biography of Charles M. Schulz, "Schulz and Peanuts". It's excellent and highly recommended. I just got past a very interesting stage in his life: mid-40's, four kids, and a failing marriage. He starts an affair with a 25 year old girl. He's a hopeless romantic, and spends all his time mooning over her. When he's with her, he tells her constantly how much he loves her. When he's not with her, he dreams of her and writes her gooey letters decorated with Snoopy and Charlie Brown. She loves it for a while and falls for him, but being a sharp, career-oriented woman, she starts to sense something missing. It takes her a while to pin it down, but finally it comes to her: he's so infatuated with her, he doesn't listen to or interact with her like he did when they met. See, they first connected on an intellectual level, besides being physically attracted - they spent hours talking about philosophy, music, literature, and so on. But over time he proved to be such a romantic, and so set on the image of her he set up in his mind, that he was really out of touch with reality. The affair ends with him asking her to marry him (while he is still married), and making a crass offer of a comfortable life with his huge income. Realizing that all her efforts to communicate to him that money and material things don't matter to her - she just wants him - she bursts into tears. Not that there are any parallels to your situation or anything - I just found it to be an interesting passage.  |
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Post by shattered on Nov 7, 2008 12:55:35 GMT -5
I'm reading the new biography of Charles M. Schulz, "Schulz and Peanuts". It's excellent and highly recommended. I just got past a very interesting stage in his life: mid-40's, four kids, and a failing marriage. He starts an affair with a 25 year old girl. He's a hopeless romantic, and spends all his time mooning over her. When he's with her, he tells her constantly how much he loves her. When he's not with her, he dreams of her and writes her gooey letters decorated with Snoopy and Charlie Brown. She loves it for a while and falls for him, but being a sharp, career-oriented woman, she starts to sense something missing. It takes her a while to pin it down, but finally it comes to her: he's so infatuated with her, he doesn't listen to or interact with her like he did when they met. See, they first connected on an intellectual level, besides being physically attracted - they spent hours talking about philosophy, music, literature, and so on. But over time he proved to be such a romantic, and so set on the image of her he set up in his mind, that he was really out of touch with reality. The affair ends with him asking her to marry him (while he is still married), and making a crass offer of a comfortable life with his huge income. Realizing that all her efforts to communicate to him that money and material things don't matter to her - she just wants him - she bursts into tears. Not that there are any parallels to your situation or anything - I just found it to be an interesting passage. Jim, not sure there are any parallels either, but there might be. Something about this resonates with me. And, as are most things you say, this was very interesting. I will also add this Schulz biography to my reading list. |
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