Well, I'll be darned...

[LgHawaiian]

Shattered, I know nothing of your story other than what I'm reading here, so my advice only pertains to this post.

Two days is not long enough to test a person's feelings. In two days time, you both are in the midst of reeling from the shock wave that accompanies splitting up with someone. Emotions are all over the board (as you have seen) and all anyone wants to do is cry. That's really no state to have a rational conversation about buying a toothbrush, let alone if you want to fix your relationship. Hopefully by now you've realized that as the days go on, and it seems you've found your doubt in him again. Funny how that comes up whenever he's not around, ya?

If you let him back in now, he'll revert to his old ways, no matter how much faith or hope you have. You cannot, absolutely cannot, make this easy for him, or yourself. If he truly wants to earn your trust, he'll run through the gauntlet as any Arthurian knight would. You just have to wait it out and see if he stands and fights or if he throws up the white flag and walks away from the challenge.

In all, be strong, tell yourself every day that you are worth waiting for. Someday you'll say it and actually believe yourself.

[shattered]

Nov 8, 2008 23:47:44 GMT -5 LgHawaiian said:

Shattered, I know nothing of your story other than what I'm reading here, so my advice only pertains to this post.

Two days is not long enough to test a person's feelings. In two days time, you both are in the midst of reeling from the shock wave that accompanies splitting up with someone. Emotions are all over the board (as you have seen) and all anyone wants to do is cry. That's really no state to have a rational conversation about buying a toothbrush, let alone if you want to fix your relationship. Hopefully by now you've realized that as the days go on, and it seems you've found your doubt in him again. Funny how that comes up whenever he's not around, ya?

If you let him back in now, he'll revert to his old ways, no matter how much faith or hope you have. You cannot, absolutely cannot, make this easy for him, or yourself. If he truly wants to earn your trust, he'll run through the gauntlet as any Arthurian knight would. You just have to wait it out and see if he stands and fights or if he throws up the white flag and walks away from the challenge.

In all, be strong, tell yourself every day that you are worth waiting for. Someday you'll say it and actually believe yourself.

Hawaiian,

Thank you very much for your input.

I think, certainly in this case, you are right about the two days not being enough.

He left the country a week ago, and already he is starting to get flaky on me -- saying contradictory things, not calling when he says he will...

Yet when we talk, he swears his only goal in life right now is to return to D.C. with the correct visa and be with me.

Is he lying to me? Is he lying to himself? Is he completely sincere and just chaotic?

At this point, I have no clue.

I'm doing my absolute best to be strong. I admit, though, that it's a facade. I feel incredibly weak.

I admit also, that I am in denial about this man who said he would fight for me till the end, that he knows I'm the woman for him, is seemingly already letting me go. At this point, he should absolutely be acting the Arthurian knight, and he still isn't.

This is extremely painful for me.

I believe that I am worth waiting for, you bet I do. But at my age, and given my past (not good) experiences, I am beyond tired of waiting.

Anyway, I just rambling now, and I do thank you for your input, and you are right.

Shattered

[LgHawaiian]

You're very welcome lady. I do what I can when I can.

It sounds to me like you know what the right decision is, but you're still waiting for him to prove you wrong.

I have no desire to see you in pain, but you have to take things into your own hands. If that means ending it and letting yourself live for yourself, then so be it. It'll be hard, but is the day to day agony any better?

[redskyatnight]

Shattered-

Much of your distress seems to be from not knowing. If you take a few steps back and look at what can be 100% objective, you might be able to resolve this. These are some objective questions that should have a straightforward answer.

Can you find out if he is actually eligible for a Work Visa? Can he find work here if he gets the visa? Don't companies have to prove they tried to hire an American Citizen before they will hire someone with a Work Visa? Is he that good at what he does that a company wants only him?

Didn't he say he had a job here? How come he didn't go to work while he was here? If the company really wanted him, how come they aren't working to get his Visa approved?

If he doesn't have a work visa, he can't stay in the country, despite all his claims to want to be here, he won't be able to do it.

Maybe if his employment questions are answered, you will be able to resolve this. I won't matter if he loves you or not. If he can't move here, then you all can't be together full time.

I hope that makes some sense and I hope you are feeling better.

[hoodieprincess]

I haven't been able to get to the boards for a few days so finally, I can leave my answer...

He's flaky...He's all over the map with his wants, feelings, and actions...He's not earned your trust, it was given...

You have to stop worrying about what he's doing. You have a life to live and his erratic behavior is making your life crazy to. You need to be able to focus on the strong, independent woman you'd come to be without him dragging you down with him in his crazed mess. If he follows through, he does. If he doesn't, that is on him. I know it's easier said than done but if I were you, I'd work on ditching all expectations of him and his behavior. If he says he'll call, so what. Then, if he does he does. But, if he doesn't, you weren't expecting him to.

What it comes down to is that he can spout off all the promises in the world but if they are just promises, they don't matter anyway. You can't hold water in a bucket with holes in it. His stories and actions are full of holes.