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Post by Mel (cherry) on Feb 6, 2009 10:58:43 GMT -5
Thank you all so much for all the replies. I totally get where Jim is coming from. That was my first and initial reaction. I love my family both blood and chosen (ie my friends) and would love to have every single one there. We sat down and did numbers and had to revamp our "perfect" ideal into something wonderful and manageable.
This is the end of several different suggestions on how to deal with this situation all of which they vetoed. They basically say now that they are coming with kids like it or not and I better deal with it type of attitude. I was willing to compromise but now they are stepping on my toes.
Shattered and Ames thanks for chiming in as well. They have been suggested to bring someone (not my aunt, mother or grandmother - who I would like to not miss the wedding) and they tell me they already spent enough money and can't afford anyone else to come. So hence the suggestion that ended up saving them money.............still a no.
Not just for other's in the chapel either Shattered, my sisters are in my wedding and so they won't even be out there to do anything with their kids in the first place and having that pointed out didn't concern them in the least. They just say that my mom, grandmother or aunt will handle it. Needless to say Im hurt that it doesn't seem important to them if people miss my wedding because they refused to make alternate arrangements in advance.........
And I just got off the phone with my pastor and I talked to him about the whole issue and he agrees with me. In fact he was shocked and appalled that it was even an issue.
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Post by amola on Feb 6, 2009 11:54:49 GMT -5
They basically say now that they are coming with kids like it or not and I better deal with it type of attitude. I was willing to compromise but now they are stepping on my toes. i told you, i'll be the bouncer......i can throw my big ugly orthopedic shoe at anyone who steps outta' line and pisses off my melly-welly on her one and only wedding day! ;D |
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Feb 6, 2009 12:05:50 GMT -5
Hee hee..............my Ames loves me.  And durn tootin about the one and only!! ;D |
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Post by rocko on Feb 6, 2009 13:59:18 GMT -5
Meet them at the door and tell them where the child care is set up.
They are being disrespectful. You gave them plenty of notice and offered alternate care if they needed it while in the area. ABSOLUTELY no reason why they cannot comply.
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Post by goods on Feb 6, 2009 16:08:46 GMT -5
All I want to know is where is my invitation??
Your plan is sound and reasonable Mel, I say go with it.
You can't please ALL the people ALL the time.
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Post by finding on Feb 6, 2009 23:34:50 GMT -5
You know my stand on it girl. This is your day. What the bride wants, the bride should get. Within reason of course.  And this is a perfectly reasonable request, plus they have had ample time to make arrangments. I'm looking at spending extra money for R to go and help out. I consider you family and will do whatever I can to help. R is a little hurt by their reaction, but understands. She asked me tonight if when it gets closer if they will change their minds. We could always have R set up and ready to go at the chapel door when they try to bring the kids in. ;D Of course that is the evil side of me speaking. She also said she likes the idea of putting D's boys in their place. Evil child. I wonder where she gets that from?  When my daughter was about 20 months old my cousin was getting married. I tried and tried to find a babysitter, but couldn't find anyone for that day. Before I just assumed I could bring R, I called the bride and asked her if it was ok. My cousin was a little miffed when he got back on the phone that I didn't ask him. I told him that it was her day, and that she called the shots. ;D |
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flyaway
New Member
*thumb on nose....fingers waving.....tongue sticking out"
Posts: 30
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Post by flyaway on Feb 7, 2009 18:38:13 GMT -5
I don't know what it is about weddings that causes families to argue and complain. Frankly, I think it's so immature! I had a very VERY small second wedding (we were footing the bill ourselves) and so, did not invite uncles and aunts (that we never see anyhow). Whoooeeeeee! Was that ever the wrong choice! We now have a bonified family rift going on on my mom's side of the family! I say good riddence.....but I feel bad for my mom.  |
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Post by ionysis on Feb 8, 2009 8:17:13 GMT -5
I too am having a small wedding - 50 people - in April.
We have said quite clearly no children. None. At all. For any reason whatsoever.
I must admit that I utterly detest being subjected to other people's children unless it is a specifically child-centric event. Our wedding is an adult event - dinner, wine and classical music. It isn't being held in a playground.
If there were children present during my wedding ceremony I would hear every single murmer - I am lamentably well-attuned to the sound of grizzling munchkins and few things grate on my nerves more than the sound of a whining brat. For me any interruption by children would completely ruin the only part of the wedding which I give a damn about - exchanging vows with the man I love. I want it so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Fortunately my fiance agrees.
If this is really important to you then stick to your guns and JUST SAY NO.
Anyone who was rude enough to try to inflict their kids on us on our wedding day would not be welcome anyway.
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Post by kittenhart on Feb 8, 2009 17:08:33 GMT -5
Meet them at the door and tell them where the child care is set up. They are being disrespectful. You gave them plenty of notice and offered alternate care if they needed it while in the area. ABSOLUTELY no reason why they cannot comply. I second this....the ceremony is not likely to be very long anyway. But it's the part of your wedding that you will remember most. There is no way that you can win in this situation and please everyone (had a similar thing happen with my ex's family and we finally had to just tell people that we were going to lose the building due to fire code restrictions if people couldn't be repectful of what was requested on the invitations). |
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Post by Mel (cherry) on Feb 10, 2009 8:57:14 GMT -5
Well what a lovely start to my day. Thank you very much for sapping every last bit of enjoyment out of this for me. You are all such a joy and support............................................NOT!!
Mom,
Thanks for being so supportive and understanding of me all the time. Thank you for always letting me know that it is "my nasty attitude" that is the root of all my troubles. I am so sorry that when I was being "completely unreasonable" that I hurt your feelings by saying that you cannot come if you don't make arrangements. Oh yeah and thank you for offering to miss the wedding to watch K instead of compromising. Then when you realized what you said you offered Aunt L or Grandma up......well I feel so special this morning.
S,
Thanks ever so much for going ahead and making it sound like you are so put out over this. Thank you for being so considerate of my feeling that you told me flat out you were all coming regardless and did "I want you to still do the bachelorette party if you were bringing K". It makes me feel good beyond belief that while I have always been the one to protect, care for and sacrifice for you guys that you aren't willing to give me a mere 3 hours. Hell you wouldn't give me the 20 minutes it takes for the ceremony.
All,
Thank you for reassuring me that all this time that I have not gone back I was right. Thank you for helping me to fully realize that I narrowly avoided blind religious sheepledome by leaving. Thank you because without you, I wouldn't be this strong.
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Post by amola on Feb 10, 2009 9:30:44 GMT -5
i'm sorry babe.....{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
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Post by finding on Feb 10, 2009 9:47:23 GMT -5
Oh sweety, I'm sorry.
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Post by freckles on Feb 10, 2009 10:17:34 GMT -5
Family is Family
Everybodys diffrent
But they are allways family , difficult as they are
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Post by shattered on Feb 10, 2009 10:32:11 GMT -5
I'm sorry, too, Mel.
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Post by shattered on Feb 10, 2009 10:34:28 GMT -5
I too am having a small wedding - 50 people - in April. We have said quite clearly no children. None. At all. For any reason whatsoever. I must admit that I utterly detest being subjected to other people's children unless it is a specifically child-centric event. Our wedding is an adult event - dinner, wine and classical music. It isn't being held in a playground. If there were children present during my wedding ceremony I would hear every single murmer - I am lamentably well-attuned to the sound of grizzling munchkins and few things grate on my nerves more than the sound of a whining brat. For me any interruption by children would completely ruin the only part of the wedding which I give a damn about - exchanging vows with the man I love. I want it so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Fortunately my fiance agrees. If this is really important to you then stick to your guns and JUST SAY NO. Anyone who was rude enough to try to inflict their kids on us on our wedding day would not be welcome anyway. Amen on what you said about kids and adult events. Curious: How did you announce the no-kids rule? Did you print "No children, please" on the wedding invitations, or tell people individually in person, or how? Curiouser: Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Is this the Royal Navy guy??? What's this about casually mentioning that you're getting married without giving us *some*info?? Throw us a bone, please!!! |
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And durn tootin about the one and only!! ;D
And this is a perfectly reasonable request, plus they have had ample time to make arrangments.
