JC
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Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Mar 19, 2008 13:28:40 GMT -5
ok you guys will have to bear with me, i am terrible at getting my thoughts out on paper in a coherent fashion when they are first rolling around in my head.
my grandparents have been married for over 50 years.. my aunt and i were talking about what has kept them together all these years, and one thing that kept coming up was that my grandmother was a submissive wife. submissive, not subservient. my grandfather runs the house, what he says goes. she cleans, cooks his meals for him every night, heck she even cuts his meat and brings him his plate. she doesnt deal with the money he does. this completely irritates my aunt, who is a hardcore feminist. now, my grandmother has been in and out of the hospital for various different operations that have come with her age, my grandfather stays right by her side.. she has had her knees replace so many times it is hard for her to get around, and she is unable to put shoes socks etc on. my grandfather does this for her EVERY SINGLE DAY without complaint. i think their marriage is beautiful. my stepfather has never seen them fight.... its just got me thinking, is this why marriages dont last now? because women are trying to take the mans place as the head of the house? im sure its not all the women, there would be guys out there who would take advantage of having a submissive wife.. my grandparents have this wonderful sort of give and take, she knows her place, he knows his. they would each die for one another.
so what do you guys think?
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Post by RO on Mar 19, 2008 13:33:40 GMT -5
The book on being the submissive wife is one of the highest checked out books in public libraries.
Hey, I just helped 4 different people on how to save their relationships in the last 3 hours...
One was looking for sex and intimacy books...
One was looking for Dr Phil...
One took all of the how to seduce and keep your man...
But the submissive wife is the one I have places 6 holds on already today...we can't keep it on the shelf...
Sorry, J.C. My mom is from that era...they have been married 46 years and her and my dad share more love and than I have ever witnessed between two people. My grandfather died of a broken heart when my grandmother died...and I see the same for my parents...
My mom may attend to my dad's every whim but he in turn does wonderful things for her. It is a give and take.
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Post by JimB on Mar 19, 2008 13:38:42 GMT -5
Well, I would say that your grandparents grew up in a simpler time. It was part of cultural "common knowledge" that men would be the leaders in the household, while women would be the followers. It was just one less major thing to worry about, at least for those who fit comfortably into those roles.
Nowadays, it's not as clear cut - people have the freedom (and with it the responsibility) to define, then accept, their own roles. Brings about less certainty as to what the marriage really is.
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Post by jules on Mar 19, 2008 13:42:23 GMT -5
I don't think it's so much a "man's role" and "woman's role" thing as much as it is figuring out what strengths each has, and working together as a team, doing one's part and appreciating what your partner does. Of course to do that you need to find a partner whose strengths compliment your own.
My parents have been happily married for over 35 years. My mother is far from submissive. It's part of what my father adores about her.
I don't think anyone should take on a role that doesn't feel natural. It's like lying to oneself as well as one's partner, and it is sure to end in disaster.
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Post by RO on Mar 19, 2008 13:45:10 GMT -5
I don't think anyone should take on a role that doesn't feel natural. It's like lying to oneself as well as one's partner, and it is sure to end in disaster. Couldn't have stated it better.
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JC
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Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Mar 19, 2008 13:48:39 GMT -5
yeah, sorry RO, actually going to buy that book. i dont know... it wouldnt be something i would be interested in looking into if i thought it wouldnt fit 'me' i find that the person i am supposed to be, and the person i am arent the same.... i dont know how to explain why, other than saying i wasnt raised right... so im trying to 'learn' this on my own. does that make any sense at all?
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Post by murdock on Mar 19, 2008 13:56:26 GMT -5
Hey... you are talking to the chick that was hanging the x-mas lights while her husband was sitting on the couch folding laundry. Do what works.
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Post by RO on Mar 19, 2008 13:57:30 GMT -5
For those that want the information...
The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with your Man by Laura Doyle.
Don't apologize to me... I am just saying that people read the book. I have read the book.
Do what works for YOU.
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Post by freckles on Mar 19, 2008 13:59:35 GMT -5
Its Giving to each other instead of Taking Dr Laura slessinger says the Secret to a Long Wonderful Relationship If Both People *Give the Gift of thier Love Give Love/Warmth/Caring/Sex to the other Person Give Yourself Completly Give Love Give Sex Give Caring Give Give Give Yourself The Selfish Immature me me me me Takers Are why Marrages Fail When 1 or both are takers it will Fail When Both give Love/Sex/Caring/Warmth to each other no matter what That is Wonderful That is who I am looking for A Giving/Caring/Loving Woman Selfish Self Centered Feminista Bitchs need not apply
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Post by Magalucia on Mar 19, 2008 14:10:46 GMT -5
Selfish Self Centered Feminista Bitchs need not apply I am sure you have nothing to worry about there.
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JC
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Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Mar 19, 2008 14:19:06 GMT -5
For those that want the information... The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with your Man by Laura Doyle. Don't apologize to me... I am just saying that people read the book. I have read the book. Do what works for YOU. i was actually making a bit of a joke about buying the book rather than checking it out at the library
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Post by RO on Mar 19, 2008 14:23:25 GMT -5
i was actually making a bit of a joke about buying the book rather than checking it out at the library Yes, I caught your "joke" and I get it all day long. I cannot force people to understand what a valuable resource a Public Library is. Either they "get it" or they don't... Do what you want J.C....I am all for freedom.
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JC
Full Member
Posts: 205
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Post by JC on Mar 19, 2008 14:25:42 GMT -5
sorry....
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Post by RO on Mar 19, 2008 14:36:13 GMT -5
jc, if you are apologizing to me...you have NOTHING to apologize for. i have been told that i am a bit "punchy" today... tax season is here and i am up to my ears with questions... it is no excuse if i appeared rude to you. i just had a debate with someone that would rather shop at Borders than use our facility. you have my most sincere apology that i can offer.
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Post by murdock on Mar 19, 2008 14:39:43 GMT -5
You can't just take... you have to give... people today are selfish and spoiled.
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