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Post by murdock on Jan 30, 2008 15:24:56 GMT -5
i think this whole thread is getting blown out of context here. First off Erf asked this question: at what age is it not okay for a daughter to sleep in the same bed as her father? No one ever pointed out what age is NOT appropriate at all. Everyone just kept saying that "oh, my children come and cuddle with us here and there, blah blah blah," but failed to state the age. A child should begin sleeping in their own bed from the minute they come home from the frickin hospital. Lets use some logic... while the mother and the baby are in the hospital, the baby is in their OWN bed. The nurse doesn't put the baby in bed with mom and tell the dad to jump in. This choice is a matter of need. I need to take care of my kids everyday. I need to feed them, love them, educate them and drive them around like I am a taxi. I need them to go to bed, because after dealing with them all day long I NEED A FRICKIN BREAK!!! If you don't need structure or a healthy marriage or a sex life, then you don't need to put your kids to bed everynight in their own bed, I completely respect your choice. In my life that doesn't work. I love my kids. I talk to them every day. I tell them that I love them everyday.... and then I send them to bed.
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Post by Dave on Jan 30, 2008 15:43:18 GMT -5
A child should begin sleeping in their own bed from the minute they come home from the frickin hospital. WHY?? Lets use some logic... while the mother and the baby are in the hospital, the baby is in their OWN bed. The nurse doesn't put the baby in bed with mom and tell the dad to jump in. The reason they do that is to give the mother some rest. You do realize that children used to be born (GASP) at home and delivered by the father, right? When my daughters were born they spent their first night in the room. My second spent her first night in my arms.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 16:00:18 GMT -5
A child should begin sleeping in their own bed from the minute they come home from the frickin hospital. Lets use some logic... while the mother and the baby are in the hospital, the baby is in their OWN bed. The nurse doesn't put the baby in bed with mom and tell the dad to jump in. Actually - that is a VERY disputed point. Nurses often DID put the babies IN MY BED, and yes, fathers were allowed to stay the night. Co-sleeping with infants is a hot-bed topic, too - pros and cons on both sides - like Saucy said, damned if you do, damned if you don't. My own preference - definite co-sleeping with infants. I am a light sleeper who wouldn't roll on them, but I sleep better when I can check often and when I don't have to get out of bed to nurse. There are lots of pros to co-sleeping, and I can point out the websites if you like. For heavy sleepers, or those children that roll easily, co-sleeping may be dangerous. It is totally dependent upon the individual family (which is why I think making blanket statements about absolute rules is rather ridiculous.) Goods- you know I respect you, but you DID and still DO come off as attacking and judging. I know that wasn't your intent, but as you have told me, sometimes when you feel strongly about something you come off stronger than you mean to. Coddling is the number one concern about co-sleeping. Actually - except for breathing issues in infants (related to parents rolling over on babies or fluffy covers/pillows suffocating them) studies have shown children do better if they sleep close to a parent - in many ways. Children who are carried around all day actually turn out MORE independent at pre-school age. "Let them cry" works for lung development, not for independence. The latest trend in childcare (again, not that it is right or right in all instances) is that you should respond instantly to an infant - those that wouldn't "coddle" an infant actually were teaching them that the world is a scary place that doesn't respond to their needs. I am one for children being independent. My daughters are TOO independent to some people. They CAN and DO sleep alone if necessary, but can also sleep with other people - and often prefer that. (Except, as I said, now my oldest daughter is getting to where she likes her own bed, her own room, etc - but she still has times when she invites or lets her sister in with her or crawls in with me.) However, I don't think that independence requires that a child not be allowed to get comfort from a parent (at ANY age) nor does it mean they shouldn't be allowed to sleep with a parent (or comfort object, or sibling, etc.) if that is what makes them sleep better - as long as it doesn't interupt the parent's sleep. For me, too many kids in the bed DOES interupt my sleep - so I don't let them stay in it all night. If I could have just one, like if one stayed home from their daddy's - sure, I would let them stay. Learning to deal with your problems is NOT about where you sleep. Nor should anyone feel they HAVE to deal with them completely on their own. I think family support is wonderful (for those of us lucky enough to have it) and when you don't (or even if you do) you should also have friends' support. I think the idea of total independence (a uniquely US concept) is rather unhealthy, and leads to depression and many other different abuses. Shey
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Post by rocko on Jan 30, 2008 16:08:26 GMT -5
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Post by murdock on Jan 30, 2008 16:23:14 GMT -5
A child should begin sleeping in their own bed from the minute they come home from the frickin hospital. Lets use some logic... while the mother and the baby are in the hospital, the baby is in their OWN bed. The nurse doesn't put the baby in bed with mom and tell the dad to jump in. Actually - that is a VERY disputed point. Nurses often DID put the babies IN MY BED, and yes, fathers were allowed to stay the night. Co-sleeping with infants is a hot-bed topic, too - pros and cons on both sides - like Saucy said, damned if you do, damned if you don't. My own preference - definite co-sleeping with infants. I am a light sleeper who wouldn't roll on them, but I sleep better when I can check often and when I don't have to get out of bed to nurse. There are lots of pros to co-sleeping, and I can point out the websites if you like. For heavy sleepers, or those children that roll easily, co-sleeping may be dangerous. It is totally dependent upon the individual family (which is why I think making blanket statements about absolute rules is rather ridiculous.) You obviously haven't read all of my posts from yesterday. Secondly, this quote was a response to Saucy's statement that throughout the discussion no one had answered the question: "WHAT AGE SHOULD A CHILD STOP SLEEPING WITH DADDY." So, Saucy dared us to actually ANSWER THE QUESTION.... and I did.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 16:24:45 GMT -5
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-sleeping#Safety_and_healthThere are just as many stats that say it is good, and many of those deaths had to do with things like the parent having taken some chemical substance (alcohol, sleeping pill, etc.). There are other dangers than rolling, too - babies being pressed against walls or their bodies going between the bed and headboard but not their heads... there are dangers. There are also dangers to crib sleeping, and tummy sleeping, and lack of monitoring, and temperature regulation...etc etc etc. that is why it is such a hotbed issue. Each family should read BOTH sides, and know themselves, before deciding. This is just another issue of people having differing opinions. Shey
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Post by murdock on Jan 30, 2008 16:28:31 GMT -5
A child should begin sleeping in their own bed from the minute they come home from the frickin hospital. WHY?? Lets use some logic... while the mother and the baby are in the hospital, the baby is in their OWN bed. The nurse doesn't put the baby in bed with mom and tell the dad to jump in. The reason they do that is to give the mother some rest. You do realize that children used to be born (GASP) at home and delivered by the father, right? When my daughters were born they spent their first night in the room. My second spent her first night in my arms. Saucy chalenged us to answer the question, because no one had. I gave my opinion. I have respected everyones right to theirs, but this one is mine. You may not agree. A strong challenge deserved a strong answer, and I gave one.
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Post by rocko on Jan 30, 2008 16:31:03 GMT -5
Alec slept in my bed attached to my breast non-stop for a long time. This was the only way I could get any sleep. He did not sleep btwn my exh and I bc he would have rolled on him. I made that choice. I dont' know if it is the right one or not. I just gave the *stats* (we all know how those are) about why you shouldn't let them.
My youngest did not like contact with people. Like cuddling or being held. He didn't sleep with me. I did sleep in his crib with him a few times to get him to sleep in there.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 16:37:04 GMT -5
You obviously haven't read all of my posts from yesterday. Secondly, this quote was a response to Saucy's statement that throughout the discussion no one had answered the question: "WHAT AGE SHOULD A CHILD STOP SLEEPING WITH DADDY." So, Saucy dared us to actually ANSWER THE QUESTION.... and I did. I had read all the responses, but mostly didn't note whose was whose - I went back and re-read yours. My response was to the tone of that particular post- where it didn't state that it was an answer to the challenge and not a personal opinion that wasn't suggesting Erf had to follow it. I respect the opinion that kids should have to stay in their own bed from the hospital - that works for many parents/kids. Also- co-sleeping is NOT for everyone (especially heavy sleepers!) I took the post to mean that co-sleeping was not acceptable, nor would any hospital encourage it, which isn't really the case. That was what I was trying to get at. To answer the challenge myself - the age it should stop is when either the parent or child wish it to. Both have to agree co-sleeping is ok, if either don't want it to happen, it shouldn't. No one should have to share their bed if they don't want to, for whatever reason! For some that will mean right from birth, for others there may be co-sleeping off and on for a long time, I am not there nor do I know their family, so I won't judge for others. Age for me? When they start to interupt my sleep. Shey
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Post by murdock on Jan 30, 2008 16:50:12 GMT -5
shey stated: "My response was to the tone of that particular post- where it didn't state that it was an answer to the challenge and not a personal opinion that wasn't suggesting Erf had to follow it."
Sorry about that... I am new here and haven't figured out exactally how to "quote". I thought I had. Can anyone tell me how to quote one line from someones entire quote... thanks.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 16:55:52 GMT -5
LOL - looking at my post - obviously I don't do it so well myself! there is a little quote button on the reply you are looking at - if you hit that it will quote the post you want. You can delete anything from between the quotes you want to - as long as you don't delete any of the "quote string". I will fix my own post now - Oops! Shey
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Post by murdock on Jan 30, 2008 17:04:54 GMT -5
LOL - looking at my post - obviously I don't do it so well myself! there is a little quote button on the reply you are looking at - if you hit that it will quote the post you want. You can delete anything from between the quotes you want to - as long as you don't delete any of the "quote string". I will fix my own post now - Oops! Shey wait, we can go back and edit? woo hoo ;D
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 17:07:35 GMT -5
I did sleep in his crib with him a few times to get him to sleep in there. Sorry for the hijack, but did I ever mention how jealous I am of how slim you are? You met me - there is NO WAY I could have crawled in my baby's crib without risking metal fatigue.. Sigh. Shey
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 17:09:15 GMT -5
wait, we can go back and edit? woo hoo ;D If you look at your own posts - there is a little thing you can click that says "modify". I don't choose to use it often, but when I have obvious mistakes like that I do (or stupid spelling/grammar errors.) Shey
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Post by Saucy on Jan 30, 2008 17:26:34 GMT -5
so in the end of all this madness, everyone will let their own kids decide where the hell they sleep and however old of age they are.. and if we refuse to let them sleep in our bed, basically we arent loving them or nurturing them.
ERF: What was the point of asking this question?? considering you are just going to let them decide anyway?
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