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Post by rocko on Jan 30, 2008 17:27:16 GMT -5
I did sleep in his crib with him a few times to get him to sleep in there. Sorry for the hijack, but did I ever mention how jealous I am of how slim you are? You met me - there is NO WAY I could have crawled in my baby's crib without risking metal fatigue.. Sigh. Shey I have gained 25 or so pounds since you saw me last. You were totally thin anyway.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 17:31:24 GMT -5
so in the end of all this madness, everyone will let their own kids decide where the hell they sleep and however old of age they are.. and if we refuse to let them sleep in our bed, basically we arent loving them or nurturing them. I don't think anyone said that anywhere? I don't think anyone said ANYWHERE that not letting kids sleep in your bed wasn't loving or nurturing? If anyone said that, I think those that are defending Erf's right to let his girls sleep with him would be just as up-in-arms about that? At least I would... Shey
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Post by Saucy on Jan 30, 2008 17:32:09 GMT -5
Goods was right, ERF DID want approval that it was OK for his 8 and 10 year old daughters to be sleeping in the same bed as him everynight, or "75%" of the time because out of everyone that posted here in this thread, most said "LET THEM DECIDE". To me, that isnt great advice, IF he was looking for any.
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Post by murdock on Jan 30, 2008 17:35:28 GMT -5
A child should begin sleeping in their own bed from the minute they come home from the frickin hospital. WHY?? Lets use some logic... while the mother and the baby are in the hospital, the baby is in their OWN bed. The nurse doesn't put the baby in bed with mom and tell the dad to jump in. The reason they do that is to give the mother some rest. You do realize that children used to be born (GASP) at home and delivered by the father, right? When my daughters were born they spent their first night in the room. My second spent her first night in my arms. That is my entire point... I believe that parents need rest. But, I think that it is beautiful that your second daughter spent her first night in your arms.
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Post by goods on Jan 30, 2008 17:37:08 GMT -5
Sheyd said: Shey you know I always sing your praises BUT where do you live? The world doesn't respond to a childs needs. Parents do. When that child is an adult the world won't respond to his needs either.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 17:40:50 GMT -5
Let them decide was not my advice, if that is what you think? My advice is that it should be up to the PARENT and child. If he is uncomfortable, then yes, it should end. Even if his discomfort is because of what others might think - which I think was the reason he posted. If a parent plain doesn't want the kid in the bed, for ANY reason - it shouldn't happen. I don't think that isn't nurturing - it is sometimes plain old self-care (which is important for parents to model, too!)
The problem I had is that if a parent has no problem with it, and the child wants it, and there are plenty of places that prove you can raise well-adjusted children if they DO co-sleep, why does anyone have to assume their opinion (or even the latest parenting trend) is the only way to go? The children aren't being damaged, so it really SHOULDN'T matter to anyone else? Trouble is, public opinion can be downright dangerous - so if public opinion is totally against you, sometimes you have to modify your behavior. Which in this case I think is rather unfortunate since it seems to be ok to both parent and children.
Shey
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 17:44:11 GMT -5
Goods, I do know you respect my opinion most of the time, and I appreciate that - AND that you won't agree all of the time too! However, when it comes to pre-school stuff I have GOBS of info if you want it. This happens to be an area that is not only a major interest but that I am pretty well informed in. Enough to realize that this is really the current trend in parenting - pick up any parenting magazine and you will read it. As for where I live - just north and west of you in Duluth, MN. ;D
Shey
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Post by goods on Jan 30, 2008 17:48:45 GMT -5
Shey... trends in parenting mean very little to me. I prefer to go with experience. It's like the "New Math", that's the latest trend in teaching for the past 10 years and it sucks. And where I live the world is a scary place that doesn't respond to peoples needs. Also known as Cincinnati, OH.
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Post by sheyd on Jan 30, 2008 18:00:52 GMT -5
Yeah, I know! ;D However, you don't want to start out a young life with trust issues- that is actually the antithesis to independence. There is lots of studies- most of it started by Dr. Sears' opinions... and hey - I don't agree with all of his if that helps any. And - I am not one to go for trends either - and I DO look at studies, but also take them with a grain of salt. I am ALL FOR responding to infants, but I also learned that I personally can't do it ALL THE TIME. Especially when I had a toddler on the other hip. There is a lot of evidence of how "attachment" parenting works well though - and not just his versions.
Shey
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Post by Saucy on Jan 30, 2008 18:33:23 GMT -5
Let them decide was not my advice, if that is what you think? My advice is that it should be up to the PARENT and child. If he is uncomfortable, then yes, it should end. Even if his discomfort is because of what others might think - which I think was the reason he posted. If a parent plain doesn't want the kid in the bed, for ANY reason - it shouldn't happen. I don't think that isn't nurturing - it is sometimes plain old self-care (which is important for parents to model, too!) The problem I had is that if a parent has no problem with it, and the child wants it, and there are plenty of places that prove you can raise well-adjusted children if they DO co-sleep, why does anyone have to assume their opinion (or even the latest parenting trend) is the only way to go? The children aren't being damaged, so it really SHOULDN'T matter to anyone else? Trouble is, public opinion can be downright dangerous - so if public opinion is totally against you, sometimes you have to modify your behavior. Which in this case I think is rather unfortunate since it seems to be ok to both parent and children. Shey Oops
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Post by pennylane on Feb 8, 2008 13:22:38 GMT -5
10 year old girls should not be sleeping with their dads. Once in awhile......bad dreams or camping trips could be an acception but not every night.
I had this very same issue with my ex this past year. He didn't like not having her in the same bed with him when she was with him, which I thought was strange for a 42 yr old man to be that insecure.
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Post by Dave on Feb 8, 2008 23:56:13 GMT -5
why do you assume it is insecurity?
right now, one daughter is in my bed and the other is on the floor. They asked, and I see no reason to say no.
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Post by rocko on Feb 11, 2008 9:20:09 GMT -5
talk to any psychiatrist about it.
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Post by freckles on Feb 11, 2008 10:10:07 GMT -5
I dont know My Impression of Psychiatrist & Therapists is they all sneek LSD and then when they are Tripin They have People lay on that Couch and Talk to them about *Strange Things They have Replaced the * Witch Doctor of the Tribe
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Post by sheyd on Feb 11, 2008 11:19:04 GMT -5
I think the difference between Penny's ex and Fre is that Fre is not the one initiating the co-sleeping. If an adult is not comfortable without having the kid in the bed, there is something not quite right about that. Like they ARE insecure or extremely lonely, or something. Basically, the adult is using the kid as a crutch.
If the kid is the one asking (and mine all do pretty much every night too) then yeah, probably the kids want to use the adult as a security blanket. As they grow up and don't want their parent to be their security blanket anymore (which is different for each kid what that time frame is) it should naturally fall off. However, if they still want that security, and the parent (and any partner) isn't opposed to it, why should the children be denied that? Just because some people think they have the answers to how every child should be raised?
If Fre was saying HE urged his kids to stay in with him... that would be different. He is saying he ALLOWS his kids to stay in when they ask. I don't see the situations as the same. If his choice was that he wasn't comfy with it for any reason (perfectly valid reason) or that he wants them to learn to be independent sleepers for when they HAVE to (another valid reason - AND something that will probably need to happen before they move out - although I don't think this will take that long) I would be urging him to be strong about them staying in their own beds (and I have lots of strategies up my sleeve for just that need if anyone needed them). Since they still seem to want that comfort, and he seems ok with it for now... I just don't see why anyone has to feel this is such a big deal.
Shey
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