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Post by Phoenixx on Feb 18, 2008 18:33:27 GMT -5
These letters made me cry....I'm sorry that you're going through this.....
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Post by J (Hot Mess) on Mar 15, 2008 17:46:39 GMT -5
Thanks M and sorry I missed that post. Youre a doll. Its been a hard time lately....real hard.
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Post by J (Hot Mess) on Mar 15, 2008 17:54:12 GMT -5
Im glad you had a party for D's birthday. Its amazing that he felt so loved and had so much fun. I appreciate the pics you sent from the camera phone. But it killed me. It killed me that all those people were there celebrating my day of joy and I was here. it killed me that you dont even see that. I dont know how to tell you that because I know it would hurt you. You were simply trying to share him with me the best way you knew how. God I miss you guys. Still. I just really fucking miss you guys.
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Post by J (Hot Mess) on Mar 22, 2008 14:50:43 GMT -5
I miss you so much right now I can feel it in my bones. I saw our first apartment together....the one on Oxford Street that we got right after graduating. Ohmigod I couldnt beleive the emotion that came over me....I didnt think I could breathe. I thought I was going to die of a heart attack right there in front of the house it was in. I wanted to go inside and lie on the floor where our bed used to be. We were so young then...we were so young and happy and in love. Frenchy and Cornbread were still alive. It made me miss them too. Why do I still love you so much when you dont love me back? I dont understand any of it. Oh my God I miss you today.
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midge
Junior Member
Posts: 99 
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Post by midge on Mar 22, 2008 15:14:24 GMT -5
Why do I still love you so much when you dont love me back? I dont understand any of it. Oh my God I miss you today.  |
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Post by Phoenixx on Mar 22, 2008 18:20:44 GMT -5
Oh J sweety - I know that feeling. I know that feeling so well...
((huggss))
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Post by Phyxius on Mar 22, 2008 18:22:13 GMT -5
Would it be better if he did love you back and you still couldn't make it work?  |
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Post by J (Hot Mess) on Mar 22, 2008 18:33:25 GMT -5
Would it be better if he did love you back and you still couldn't make it work? Yes. It was so much better then. So much better. I want it back...all of it...the good and the bd. I want it all back and to just be with him again, even in the bad times....even when we were trying and we loved each other so much but we had trouble making it work. That was better than this. So much better. This is unbearable. |
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Post by Phyxius on Mar 22, 2008 18:44:51 GMT -5
Would it be better if he did love you back and you still couldn't make it work? Yes< it was so much better then. So much better. I want it bacl...all of it...the good and the bd. I want it all back and to just be with him again, even in the bad times....even when we were trying and we loved each other so much but we had trouble making it work. That was better than this. So much better. This is unbearable. I guess I had to ask, because I'm living the flip side of that right now. Both of us still deeply, madly, irrationally love each other, and we can't make it work. We can't even bring ourselves to try and make it work at the moment. We're both with other people now, and can't get the other out of our hearts. We even seek out arguments with the other because that is less painful than no contact at all. How sick is that? |
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Post by Phoenixx on Mar 22, 2008 19:04:17 GMT -5
Yes< it was so much better then. So much better. I want it bacl...all of it...the good and the bd. I want it all back and to just be with him again, even in the bad times....even when we were trying and we loved each other so much but we had trouble making it work. That was better than this. So much better. This is unbearable. I guess I had to ask, because I'm living the flip side of that right now. Both of us still deeply, madly, irrationally love each other, and we can't make it work. We can't even bring ourselves to try and make it work at the moment. We're both with other people now, and can't get the other out of our hearts. We even seek out arguments with the other because that is less painful than no contact at all. How sick is that? Not that sick, Phyx. You're not the only one on that road. |
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ladyj
New Member
Posts: 7
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Post by ladyj on Mar 22, 2008 19:06:26 GMT -5
Deleted. I have nothing positive to add. I am miserable too!
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Post by J (Hot Mess) on Mar 23, 2008 15:16:03 GMT -5
well thanks for trying Lady J. Hugs to you sugar.
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Post by ionysis on Mar 24, 2008 7:13:21 GMT -5
You love S and you think he doesn't love you any more and you know you just couldn't make make it work. Phyx loves his ex and she loves him but even so they can't make it work. I'm trying to make it work with my ex but he doesn't love me and despite what we try to do it's not working.
We are all so f*cked. So completely f*cked.
But I swear to God I will go down with a fake smile plastered on my face so long as there is breath left in my body. I will lie until my tongue turns black and pretend to the whole world that I am the happiest I've ever been. I can't see any other way except to just lie down and drown in my misery and bitterness and feelings of rejection and I'm damned if I'm going to do that.
Keep trying hon, keep on keeping on. There has to be light at the end of this somehow. There just has to be.
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Post by sheyd on Mar 24, 2008 8:13:56 GMT -5
Ok... there IS another way. Every single one of you who posted on here about feeling this way, I had that in common with you. I pined for, lets see, over 10 years? Did things I am not proud of, ruined other relationships, lied, pretended... I don't do it anymore, and haven't for some time. Want to know why? I DECIDED not to. I realized what it was doing to me. I NEVER called (for two years), NEVER had contact, turned my thoughts to other things when I wanted to dwell - particularly when I wanted to dwell on the good stuff or the stuff that made me feel bad about myself. I STOPPED comparing my life now to the life I had or the life I dreamed I could have. I realized it WAS an addiction - like Goods posted on that other thread - even the pain part was an addiction. Just like any other addiction, dwelling on it makes you want it more. I stopped saying - even in my head - I wish it could be... and when I started to think on those lines I imagined losing what I did have, picturing what I could have WITHOUT him.
It IS possible, for every one of you, but you continue to deliberately dwell in what grieves you, to try for what you can't have. You will say "it isn't that easy", or "then you didn't feel the way I do, noone can and let it go" - but you CAN let it go too - and I never said it was easy. It is HARD and took those full two years to get a new life started. And yes, you CAN love someone else as fully - and no, you never do stop loving them. You don't stop loving grandparents, either, even after they are dead, but you don't allow that to block off your heart from loving other family members or going on with your life without them.
IF you really TRY - IF you really consider it an addiction and do what you can to avoid it until the cravings pass - IF you focus on yourself and your life without them (or in Phyx's case, in a life without her except for kids) - you CAN get over this, have happy lives without them, love other people. If you continue to dwell, continue to fantasize about something that doesn't exist and won't exist no matter how much you want it to - you will continue to live this half-life. You ALL deserve better than that. I am not saying "let go" - I am saying - "let it rest". It is the past, or should be. Find your life that doesn't include them, that way. Or at all, for now at least. When you really are happy without them, when you DO have a life, maybe you can reconnect. For now, though - you CAN'T. They won't stop connecting with you, either - they are as addicted as you are. If you love them, though, you will stop letting them be the kind of person who would do this to you. You will help them break the addiction too. Cut them out - at least for now.
Shey
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midge
Junior Member
Posts: 99
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Post by midge on Mar 24, 2008 16:38:41 GMT -5
Ok... there IS another way. Every single one of you who posted on here about feeling this way, I had that in common with you. I pined for, lets see, over 10 years? Did things I am not proud of, ruined other relationships, lied, pretended... I don't do it anymore, and haven't for some time. Want to know why? I DECIDED not to. I realized what it was doing to me. I NEVER called (for two years), NEVER had contact, turned my thoughts to other things when I wanted to dwell - particularly when I wanted to dwell on the good stuff or the stuff that made me feel bad about myself. I STOPPED comparing my life now to the life I had or the life I dreamed I could have. I realized it WAS an addiction - like Goods posted on that other thread - even the pain part was an addiction. Just like any other addiction, dwelling on it makes you want it more. I stopped saying - even in my head - I wish it could be... and when I started to think on those lines I imagined losing what I did have, picturing what I could have WITHOUT him. It IS possible, for every one of you, but you continue to deliberately dwell in what grieves you, to try for what you can't have. You will say "it isn't that easy", or "then you didn't feel the way I do, noone can and let it go" - but you CAN let it go too - and I never said it was easy. It is HARD and took those full two years to get a new life started. And yes, you CAN love someone else as fully - and no, you never do stop loving them. You don't stop loving grandparents, either, even after they are dead, but you don't allow that to block off your heart from loving other family members or going on with your life without them. IF you really TRY - IF you really consider it an addiction and do what you can to avoid it until the cravings pass - IF you focus on yourself and your life without them (or in Phyx's case, in a life without her except for kids) - you CAN get over this, have happy lives without them, love other people. If you continue to dwell, continue to fantasize about something that doesn't exist and won't exist no matter how much you want it to - you will continue to live this half-life. You ALL deserve better than that. I am not saying "let go" - I am saying - "let it rest". It is the past, or should be. Find your life that doesn't include them, that way. Or at all, for now at least. When you really are happy without them, when you DO have a life, maybe you can reconnect. For now, though - you CAN'T. They won't stop connecting with you, either - they are as addicted as you are. If you love them, though, you will stop letting them be the kind of person who would do this to you. You will help them break the addiction too. Cut them out - at least for now. Shey this is awesome, shey. it is what i need over in my thread! one day clean and sober for me! j- you are so beautiful inside and out. i completely understand what you are going through, but you are wasting your energy on him right now. your ex is like my own and shey is right- breaking away now will be better for you in the future. i know it is hard especially when you are in a crisis. you deserve better and i am not just saying that.  |
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