Dear You..

[J (Hot Mess)]

Ion....you and I have had many long exchanges about S and R and I think out of many people you have the best grasp on my whole situation and where I am. Did you ever happen to look at my tag line? Im not a big "God" person myself but I do believe in faith. Take a look below. Once again youve hit the nail on the head with me.

I dont know if I will ever be thankful for the sub-prime crisis/credit crunch and what it (coupled with some other variables) has done to my career or for being sick or for S leaving me (for good this time) but hopefully I will be at peace in just one area of my life sometime soon. Im not asking for it all.....just a little sliver. .

As for therapy...yep and active now. She understands why I cant say goodbye fully but why it also hurts me. Im glad to have found her. She gets it. Im working very hard for it...on myself....on all of it. Ive been peeling the onion and taking a deep look and trying to find whats right for me and what I need to do to be the best version of me. It can be pretty intense. Whoah.

Thank you E.

[J (Hot Mess)]

You lied to me when you said you were my friend. You say things with the intent to hurt me. Ive never done anything to purposely hurt you. You dont know how to be kind when you decide you want out. You are not my friend. You are the one who destroyed me. I am a fool for thinking things could be good between us, even if we werent husband and wife. I blame myself now for this heartache because I knew this about you from before. Youve shown me this side of you before but I always chose to believe you cared about me. I dont believe that anymore. My capacity to forgive is a flaw when it comes to you. I wish I hated you like so many others hate their exes. They seem to be able to get on with their lives. You break my heart and my spirit. You got the best of me. And Im a fucking fool.

[Mel (cherry)]

[Phoenixx]

Apr 17, 2008 21:36:51 GMT -5 Mel (cherry) said:

I second that.