|
Post by kittenhart on Jan 8, 2008 19:48:15 GMT -5
It was like having her back again...like nothing had changed. All because I am now "friendly" with her mom. Yes, honey instead of vinegar. But its scary how much influence she has on them. After she got off the phone the stbxw got on the phone and we "chatted". About people we knew, things that had happened. Like old times. Weird. For a whole bunch of reasons. That is a weird place to find yourself...but don't question her on it. Just let her be nicer to you. It is better for everyone to just roll with it.... It's not really about who has the power of influence in the end...when the girls get a little older, they will look back and make their own interpretations of what happened, regardless of the past ten months, anyway. You just want to be back in their lives...Besides, it can't be that hard to just be "friendly" and "chatty" for a few minutes....(I'd just pretend like nothing happened at all, like the past 10 months never happened, if it got me back in contact with my kids)
|
|
|
Post by tiredofhiscrap on Jan 10, 2008 10:55:58 GMT -5
I called the house last night and my younger daughter picked up. The first time in months. She talked to me. Several sentences. First time in months. She said she had a friend over and she apologized for having to get off the phone. It was like having her back again...like nothing had changed. All because I am now "friendly" with her mom. Yes, honey instead of vinegar. But its scary how much influence she has on them. After she got off the phone the stbxw got on the phone and we "chatted". About people we knew, things that had happened. Like old times. Weird. For a whole bunch of reasons. Doc, my stbx came by last night i could tell that he had been drinking so i was extra nice to him (when he drinks he gets angry) I could tell how much he missed being home, how much he missed the comforts of me and the kids, it broke my heart but i have come way to far to look back, dont let her suck you back in, dont think just because she is being nice that she wants to work things out, i hate to see you go thru that pain again. I am glad that she realized what she was doing to the kids. Hang tuff, they will come around!!
|
|
Sass
Full Member
Posts: 191
|
Post by Sass on Jan 10, 2008 16:25:26 GMT -5
So.................how did it go?
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Jan 10, 2008 20:32:41 GMT -5
I met my wife and younger daughter at the diner slightly before 4 pm. The psychologist had not yet arrived. Since my wife and I have been talking over the past week there was not much tension as far as she and myself. My older daughter did not show because she "was not feeling well" but it is safe to assume that she just couldn't handle it.
So the psychogist showed, and we talked for a half hour or so, catching up on school, friends, hobbies, etc. Things were going well, the psychologist left, and me, my younger daughter and my ex stayed a while longer, because Nikki wanted to talk more.
At one point my wife asked her if she wanted to go with me, and she immediately said yes. So we left together, and my daughter wanted to go back to my apartment and play games, which we used to do all the time. But..my GF was there...so I called her from the car and asked her to leave by the time we got there. She was fine with it, but after I hung up my daughter started asking all kinds of questions about her. I asked her if she wanted to meet her briefly and she said yes.
So we got to the apartment, she met my GF, who left shortly thereafter, and we spent from about 5 until 8...playing hide and seek, computer games, Twister, a few board games...having a great time. It was just like "old times". I told her I was planning on getting a dog and she wanted to go with me this weekend to look at them.
So I dropped her off, and I called the stbxw to tell her it went well, and to let her know that she met my gf, even though I had promised that it wouldnt happen right away..my stbxw got upset at that piece of news and also said that my daughter was upset when she came home and wasnt sure if she wanted to see me again so soon. I am baffled.
|
|
Sass
Full Member
Posts: 191
|
Post by Sass on Jan 10, 2008 20:41:48 GMT -5
Here is my take on things for what it's worth.
Kudos to the girlfriend for understanding why she needed to leave. I am kinda surprised at that because she seems so insecure at times. Kudos to you for handling things in a mature manner. My question is had the stbxw made it known that she didn't want Nikki to meet the girlfriend so soon? And do you know for sure that Nikki was upset? She didn't actually tell you that your stbxw did. I would have to say here, and this is just a hypothetical, that the stbxw got incredibly jealous about you introducing Nikki to her........that usually means things are getting pretty serious when you bring the kids around and I am sure, being as how it is apparent that the stbxw still has feelings for you and she is only acting out of anger and hurt , that she is upset. She is upset that you have a girlfriend moreover that you introduced her to Nikki because that shows that Casey is a significant person in your life.......more so than the stbxw wanted to realize. One of two things are going to happen here. 1-she is going to snap back in to bitch mode and the court procedings will continue or 2- she will continue to show how much she is upset in the hopes that you will come around and comfort her. Just sayin'
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Jan 10, 2008 20:49:49 GMT -5
There's no doubt that the stbxw was "stung" when she found out that Nikki met my GF. But she seemed sincere when she said Nikki was upset about "something" and I dont think she was making it up that Nikki said someting about "moving too fast" and being uncertain about getting together with me again soon.
You're right that I didn't see this for myself, but my stbxw has done a complete turnaround and is really pushing the relationship between me and the girls. It doesnt make sense that she would try to throw a wrench into it just because I introduced her to my gf...and yes, she had asked me NOT to introduce them...oh well...
The court proceedings are going to continue regardless. We were in court yesterday for another waste of 3 hours and more than $2500...
|
|
Sass
Full Member
Posts: 191
|
Post by Sass on Jan 10, 2008 20:59:00 GMT -5
well if that is the case, then maybe you should attempt to call her about going to the pet store. Leave the girlfriend out of conversation unless she brings it up. She may think you are taking things too fast and that is understandable. She is eleven and anything that sticks out as a surprise is going to be a shock. Once that has died down I think you will see a change in her demeanor. I think after the initial shock wears off that she will be ok with this. Seeing you with someone else other than her mother took her back a bit and that is understandable. Don't fret. She will come around. Just play it cool. Slow and steady wins the race!
|
|
|
Post by Mod (PQ-Kermie) on Jan 10, 2008 21:06:02 GMT -5
I'm thinkin that its the first time your ex let you take your daughter in a long time and the one thing she asked you not to do... you went and did... not the smartest of moves their doc. Sometimes you have to do what is better for everybody involved not just what you want... or for that matter what your daughter wants. Divorce is a big giant lousy fucked up game... and sometimes if you don't play by the rules.. you get kicked the f#$@ out.
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Jan 10, 2008 21:20:22 GMT -5
I'm thinkin that its the first time your ex let you take your daughter in a long time and the one thing she asked you not to do... you went and did... not the smartest of moves their doc. That's true. It wasn't.
|
|
Sass
Full Member
Posts: 191
|
Post by Sass on Jan 10, 2008 21:33:40 GMT -5
I'm thinkin that its the first time your ex let you take your daughter in a long time and the one thing she asked you not to do... you went and did... not the smartest of moves their doc. That's true. It wasn't. He does have a point. Still what's done is done and you can only look forward.
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Jan 10, 2008 21:38:52 GMT -5
Another example of my poor judgement. But why should that have affected my daughter so much..again, she was asking about my GF, and it was just a quick hello..
And she met another GF of mine almost a year ago, and she has met at least one of my stbxw's BF's in the past...
|
|
|
Post by Mod (PQ-Kermie) on Jan 10, 2008 21:52:29 GMT -5
My thinking would be that she wanted that time to be with you.. to connect back with you... maybe think that she is the only thing important to you right now. Seeing your girlfriend may have shown her that there is a life without her.
I'm just thinking from her perspective.
|
|
ladyj
New Member
Posts: 7
|
Post by ladyj on Jan 10, 2008 21:57:25 GMT -5
Also, if you don't mind me adding some thoughts here. Meeting your girlfriend reminds her of the reality of her parents being apart. It is a harsh reality for a child that age. She is very young and inexperience in life and if she says she is okay with meeting your g/f but then ends up having different emotions concerning that, its very understandable.
She does not have enough experience to be able to anticipate how she is going to feel in situations.
|
|
|
Post by RO on Jan 10, 2008 22:01:48 GMT -5
I think they all make good points...
Like Lady J said...she doesn't know how she feels right now. I am sure she is confused...
I know that my divorced friends kids are extremely jealous of the SO in their parents lives...it is a huge deal. Something that needs to be treated delicately and with great compassion.
At least you got to spend time with her...baby steps!
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Jan 10, 2008 22:19:28 GMT -5
^ All good thoughts...good points...the GF is going to stay out of it going forward..as it stands we had discussed going to the town shelter this weekend. So I will call over there tomorrow or Saturday, see what kind of response I get. We have another "dinner" scheduled with the psychologist next week...maybe my older daughter will show.
|
|