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Post by bobfromacctg on Jan 11, 2008 9:07:47 GMT -5
Wow...thats all good to read steve.
As for the gf issue - I waited almost 2 months before they met mine. Even now, there are no PDA's between us because that makes the guys feel uncomfortable and my guys are 17 and 20.
As for the X, I would call her and profusely apologise for making that mistake and re-assure her that it will not happen again.
She is the gate keeper of the children and she can close that gate at a moments notice. Unfortunatly,that puts you in "dance to her tune" mode.
Good luck and I'm glad to see the change.
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Post by tiredofhiscrap on Jan 11, 2008 11:11:11 GMT -5
^ All good thoughts...good points...the GF is going to stay out of it going forward..as it stands we had discussed going to the town shelter this weekend. So I will call over there tomorrow or Saturday, see what kind of response I get. We have another "dinner" scheduled with the psychologist next week...maybe my older daughter will show. Doc, girls dont like to share there daddys with anybody but mom. (in most cases) I dont know how close you and you GF are but dont bring a bunch of different women in and out of there lifes. that is a mistake alot of newly divorced or separated parents do. Your stbx needs to realize that your daughters can not be used to feed her anger. I hope she realizes that her actions hurt the kids too. I hope everything goes well for you!!!
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Post by wizer on Jan 11, 2008 11:59:50 GMT -5
I had a good excuse to call the stbxw...I received new insurance cards in the mail today...so I called over there. It's all good. Nikki was just feeling a bit "overwhelmed" by seeing me again, but she is "fine" now. The stbxw actually said that it was probably a good thing that she met my GF because she sees that I am not "alone" and it well help her accept that we are moving on with our lives. I am not saying whether or not that is accurate, but it is what she said, and how the stbx feels is what matters. We will probably be getting together this weekend, and work towards restrengthening our father-daughter bond. Nothing as far as my older daughter is concerned... She is the gate keeper of the children and she can close that gate at a moments notice. Unfortunatly,that puts you in "dance to her tune" mode It sure does. And its a tough dance for me. But I'm working on it.
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Post by Phoenixx on Jan 11, 2008 12:20:38 GMT -5
Hey Doc, I'm so glad things are working out for you. Keep us updated!
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Post by lumpy on Jan 11, 2008 12:22:16 GMT -5
It sure does. And its a tough dance for me. But I'm working on it. It's dope, it's got a funky beat, and I can bug-out to it. I give it an 87, Dick.
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Post by wizer on Jan 11, 2008 12:49:45 GMT -5
I'm a lousy dancer.
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Post by lumpy on Jan 11, 2008 14:04:37 GMT -5
I'm right there with ya, big guy. Too self-concious, methinks.
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Post by wizer on Jan 11, 2008 14:08:09 GMT -5
I make up for my lousy dancing by being funny. Or trying to. At weddings, I have been known to jump off of chairs, roll around on the floor, and pull two women I don't know against me while dancing.
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Post by rocko on Jan 11, 2008 14:58:01 GMT -5
I am so glad you were able to meet with at least one of the girls!
Make sure you check the shelter hours before you say you will take her. Don't want a big dissapointment.
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Post by wizer on Jan 11, 2008 15:22:36 GMT -5
I am so glad you were able to meet with at least one of the girls! Make sure you check the shelter hours before you say you will take her. Don't want a big dissapointment. I just called the shelter, in fact. I left a message. But even if we just go looking it will be fun for her. She already has 2 dogs, this is going to be for my apartment, so it wont be a disappointment as much as it will be fun to look at the different dogs together and talk about them.
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Post by rocko on Jan 11, 2008 15:38:39 GMT -5
My mother would make plans with me then we would go to do it and the place would be closed. It STILL bothers me that she is like that.
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Sass
Full Member
Posts: 191
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Post by Sass on Jan 11, 2008 16:00:32 GMT -5
I am so glad you were able to meet with at least one of the girls! Make sure you check the shelter hours before you say you will take her. Don't want a big dissapointment. I just called the shelter, in fact. I left a message. But even if we just go looking it will be fun for her. She already has 2 dogs, this is going to be for my apartment, so it wont be a disappointment as much as it will be fun to look at the different dogs together and talk about them. You aren't going to bring the gf are you?
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Post by wizer on Jan 11, 2008 16:33:20 GMT -5
Nope, not bringing the GF. Even I know better than that. Even though Nikki probably wouldnt mind and neither would the GF, I sort of understand that it isnt the way to go.
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Sass
Full Member
Posts: 191
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Post by Sass on Jan 11, 2008 20:22:23 GMT -5
Nope, not bringing the GF. Even I know better than that. Even though Nikki probably wouldnt mind and neither would the GF, I sort of understand that it isnt the way to go. Good boy! Now go and get'em tiger. You can do this. If the oldest one sees what fun the youngest is having with you she may want to join in as well.
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Post by Magalucia on Jan 11, 2008 22:21:44 GMT -5
Hey Steve,
I am glad the first dinner meeting went well. I think emotional hiccups like Nikki had later in the evening are to be expected. This is a lot to absorb for anyone, particularly a young girl caught in the middle. I think Remaining Optimistic said it best when she suggested this situation requires a great deal of compassion.
Your girls have been very hurt, as have you, as has been your stbx. I imagine Nikki had a deluge of emotions when she got home: She was undoubtedly happy to see you and spend time with you again, but this probably also brought on feelings of fear of being disloyal to her sister and her mom, particularly after meeting Casey. You might want to prepare yourself for these seemingly strange reversals. I am glad there is a therapist involved that can help you all deal with this. I would imagine you may also want to prepare yourself for Jessica having some feelings of abandonment even when she is the one that decided not to attend the dinner. If she is not as ready to restart contact with you as Nikki and your stbx are, then Jessica may feel that she is being left alone; that mom and sis are going over to your side. Just remember to be patient. Your kids are not as emotionally mature as your stbx and you are, and you both have to do the heavy lifting in this.
Steve, you have your light at the end of the tunnel. Congratulations.
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