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Post by RO on Jan 18, 2008 14:31:52 GMT -5
Crystal-
Just want to send you a big hug.
I know when I saw the caught the first lie...totally by accident on my part...I wasn't looking for it and there it was...made me wonder years later if he did it so he would be caught...
That lie...led to many more and it was a slippery slope...
I think it is hard when you have been lied to in the past and have trust issues to deal with these situations because you feel this enormous pressure to handle it better than you did before.
Crystal...you ARE a beautiful, fun, intelligent woman...don't let anything deter you from your path of happiness.
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feel
New Member
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Post by feel on Jan 18, 2008 14:33:24 GMT -5
He plays in a Band All Bands have Drunk Women wanting Sex after them this isn't gonna make her feel better!
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JC
Full Member
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Post by JC on Jan 18, 2008 14:35:40 GMT -5
you have to try to think of this rationally.. you have been upset the past few weeks with his obsession for this video game. he may have (stupidly) thought if you knew he was talking to a girl you would get all worked up and think it was something. so to him, its easier to not tell you. instead it backfired, and has made you look at everything going wrong right now. you have had questions, and it would be easy for this new chick to be the answer. but that might not be the case. all couples reach a time where they get comfortable. no one is on their best behavior anymore, you start to see each others flaws. it is normal. i would suggest being honest with him. let him know you dont want to make anymore of this than it is, but that it does bother you. give him a chance to speak. sometimes guys really do have good intentions, and when we cant see that, and yell at them for what they are doing wrong, they stop having the good intentions and get pretty damn bitter
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Post by sheyd on Jan 18, 2008 14:42:47 GMT -5
It isn't the actual woman that is the real issue... The real issue is that he is hiding things from you. Even if you meet her, even if there is NOTHING but friendship for them (even if she is a butch lesbian who thinks he is only worth what he contributes to the band) no matter WHAT there is between the two of them - Brian feels the need to keep things secret - to the point of lying. This is so not good. Even if he DID start being wonderful and attentive and romantic - unless he addresses this issue, it is all just a happy front. You can't let him get away with the idea that if he pays you attention, he can lie or hide things!
Shey
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Post by cdngurl on Jan 18, 2008 14:55:01 GMT -5
All I can add is that if you open up the "why did you feel the need to hide things from me" talk... you really need to be open to what he says and not react in a defensive way. Assuming this girl is no threat, the hiding still tells me something is wrong with the communication pattern here. Anything you can do to help him communicate with you will be great. That being said ... I really hope all goes well. Sadly, hindsight was 20/20 for me...
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Post by Saucy on Jan 18, 2008 14:57:31 GMT -5
so many responses. you either trust him or u don't. i went through the exact same thing. i didnt know how to react to these stupid text messages, calling everyday. fucking bull shiet. he either wants to cheat or he doesnt. i flew off the handle. i raged about 'her'. he denied everything. which only lead to the truth.
he's scared of your reaction if he communicates with another female. that's the reason for all the sneaking around.
keep your mouth shut about it. don't ask about her. don't mention her randomly. DONT SNOOP ON HIS PHONE only if you can't handle the truth.
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO BABE. IF HE ISNT TRUSTWORTHY TELL HIM. DONT SHOW HIM YOURE HURT ABOUT IT. LEAVE HIM IF YOU START FEELING DOUBTS. YOU ARE STRONG.
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feel
New Member
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Post by feel on Jan 18, 2008 15:09:46 GMT -5
so many responses. you either trust him or u don't. i went through the exact same thing. i didnt know how to react to these stupid text messages, calling everyday. fucking bull shiet. he either wants to cheat or he doesnt. i flew off the handle. i raged about 'her'. he denied everything. which only lead to the truth. he's scared of your reaction if he communicates with another female. that's the reason for all the sneaking around. keep your mouth shut about it. don't ask about her. don't mention her randomly. DONT SNOOP ON HIS PHONE only if you can't handle the truth. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO BABE. IF HE ISNT TRUSTWORTHY TELL HIM. DONT SHOW HIM YOURE HURT ABOUT IT. LEAVE HIM IF YOU START FEELING DOUBTS. YOU ARE STRONG. this is easier said than done... did you do the same when you where in her situation? everyone deals with things different. now I can understand keeping calm about things.... but at least if she knew she could help herself to a resolution or to make a decision to stay or go!
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Post by jules on Jan 18, 2008 15:12:24 GMT -5
Maybe I'm a complete idiot or just naive, but I don't understand the point of censoring your true feelings from your significant other. Why act like something doesn't bother you if it does?
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feel
New Member
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Post by feel on Jan 18, 2008 15:15:13 GMT -5
I don't think she should act like everything is ok if it isn't but if she wants to find anything out she will need to be cool about things so he doesn't think anything
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Post by Saucy on Jan 18, 2008 15:18:48 GMT -5
i never said act like everything is okay. but it won't help if she nags him about it. that will only push him farther away from her.
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Post by goods on Jan 18, 2008 15:21:51 GMT -5
Treat the cause not the symptom.
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feel
New Member
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Post by feel on Jan 18, 2008 15:22:12 GMT -5
i never said act like everything is okay. but it won't help if she nags him about it. that will only push him farther away from her. true...
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Post by freckles on Jan 18, 2008 15:32:38 GMT -5
Read the Text She sent him
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Post by Saucy on Jan 18, 2008 15:49:39 GMT -5
Treat the cause not the symptom. What kind of treatment?
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Post by JimB on Jan 18, 2008 17:45:23 GMT -5
Open communication is not a miracle cure, but it's balm for a surprising number of relationship issues.
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