newts
New Member
Posts: 45
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Post by newts on Mar 16, 2008 19:51:41 GMT -5
Because she was making my life miserable and I wanted to stick it to her, that's why. I really love your honesty Steve.... *note to oneself* don't ever mess with IDOC!
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Post by JimB on Mar 17, 2008 8:33:02 GMT -5
Because she was making my life miserable and I wanted to stick it to her, that's why. Where does it end though? Somebody pointed out earlier in this thread that you, Steve, are good at fighting back. You do it instinctively and effectively. A handy skill on the internet and in professional negotiations, sure, but you have to ask yourself whether it really gets you anywhere vis a vis your ex. I can tell you're a competitive guy - you want to "win" in all your conflicts. This is one conflict where there needs to be two winners. You need to swallow your pride and let your ex "win" sometimes, so that you can "win" other times. If you won't do this, expect this cycle of sticking it to each other to continue. And expect her to continue playing the cards she holds that matter to you the most - your kids. If it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, go back and re-read any of the flame wars you've started that you've "won". That should make you feel better.
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Post by wizer on Mar 17, 2008 11:53:15 GMT -5
Jim B, there aren't two winners..she has knocked me down and is kicking the sand in my face. I may be a competitive guy, and perhaps I "win" or try to win some debates here on the boards, but in real life, in the biggest fight I have ever had I have had the crap beat out of me.
Let's review-
She is in our house, the home that I literally rebuilt and which represents 45 years of hard work. I am in a small apartment over my office.
I work 5 days a week, rarely take a vacation, in fact the major holidays are the only times I get more than 1 day off in a row besides one or two vacation weeks per year at most. She is a licensed nurse but does not work, she has not worked in over 2 years now.
I am paying thousands of dollars in support every month, there is no mortgage on the house and the judge also ordered me to pay the house property taxes, any unreimbursed medical, health insurance, car insurance, dental, and other items. She has thousands of dollars a month coming in...where she spends it all is anyones guess.
She's driving a brand new car, I am driving a year 2000 model car.
She has access to all our household possessions, even my attempt to get a damn ladder proved to be unsuccesful.
She has complete access to both of our daughters, sees them every day and is completely involved in their lives. My eldest does not speak to me and its a struggle to see my youngest even once a week. The last time I saw her I suggested seeing her more often, she said that once a week is enough for her, and she is not interested in going away for a weekend for Memorial day which I had asked her about.
I think I lost this one. At least in the short term.
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Post by JimB on Mar 17, 2008 12:15:25 GMT -5
Uh huh. But the only win that matters is the one where she takes away your happiness. And she can't do that.
She's taken your possessions, and some of your history. The possessions are replaceable, and she'd have a part of your history no matter what. She does hold the cards on your daughters' time, for now, and I can see how that is a bitter pill. But you can't change that for the better by "sticking it to her".
I see how you enable her to push your buttons - it's by continuing to apply importance to all this crap that has already happened. It can't un-happen - all that stuff you mentioned is over and done with. Easy for me to say, sure, but you do have the power to change things. You'd just have to adjust your own attitude, and decide that all that other crap is relatively unimportant. Not easy, but pretty simple, really.
She's won some battles, but you can still win the war. And it's a lot easier to win when you stop looking at it as win or lose.
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Post by wizer on Mar 17, 2008 13:57:17 GMT -5
She's won some battles, but you can still win the war. And it's a lot easier to win when you stop looking at it as win or lose. Jim B, you make perfect sense. Unfortunately I tend to live my life in the black and white, I don't do well in the grey. I'm working on it. Either way, I cannot just throw my hands up in the air and say, forget it, take all of it, and walk away. Not yet.
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Post by sheyd on Mar 17, 2008 20:36:40 GMT -5
And you don't want her to take all of it - because you want to keep your daughters' love, to the best of your ability. That is the part to keep. Starting with being someone they can respect and love. That won't happen if you are warring with their mom. THAT is your real war, the other battles are just obstacles to keeping those girls' respect and love.
Shey
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