|
Post by wizer on Jan 22, 2008 14:04:35 GMT -5
Thanks Kermie/Sheyd for the recent posts and ideas.
The thing is I DO try fun things. My stbx said that Nikki has said that I am the one who usually decides what we will do..even though I try to be so careful not to. So I let her lead the pace.
We looked for dogs, we play this silly "pillowcase game" where I try to find her in my apartment while I wear the pillowcase on my head, we play board games. Last week we spent an hour or so playing with discarded tires next door at the autobody place. We made obstacle courses, rolled tires at each other. The kid was laughing and screaming, saying she never gets to go outside and play anymore. I can't think of anything that would be more fun.
I know she's 11 and at the age when they pull away, but again, she wont even call me if I dont reach out to her, and I would figure that she'd want to see me once a week at least regardless of what's happening with her friends.
I will suggest some of these other ideas to her.
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Jan 25, 2008 22:02:47 GMT -5
We just spent the evening together. Tomorrow we are headed out east for our "trip to nowhere". Staying in a hotel, with a swimming pool. Lots of fun stuff planned. It's going very well.
|
|
Jaded
Full Member
Posts: 223
|
Post by Jaded on Jan 26, 2008 23:47:42 GMT -5
I hope you had a lovely evening! You both deserve it.
YOur pillowcase game reminds me of my pillowfights with my son. It's been awhile LOL but we went to Orlando just he and i a few years ago and it is strange - out of ALL the fun things we did the thing that stands out the most is the pillow fight. We just plowed into each other in that hotel room. I went downstairs to get us both a juice and when i got off the elevator he was waiting in the hall around a corner and got me as i walked by. The little shlt. But it was on from there. Total domination on my part! I pummeled him. LOL With feathers. In a pillow ;-) But mom still ruled. LOL
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Mar 2, 2008 12:07:35 GMT -5
Update.
So things are ok with my 11 year old. She never calls me, except to cancel an upcoming get together, but she always picks up the phone when I call. She doesnt stay on long, but at least we get along. She doesnt take our weekly schedule too seriously, and if a friend wants to come over or something than I am out of the picture. I guess I shouldnt let it bother me so much, its still a big improvement over a few months ago. My eldest still doesnt talk to me and I have for now at least given up on trying.
Part of me misses her greatly and part of me is just so angry that a girl I have been there for since the day she was born just turned her back on her father because of perceived wrong doings that in her mind are sufficient to just shut me out.
|
|
|
Post by lumpy on Mar 2, 2008 13:45:38 GMT -5
Part of me misses her greatly and part of me is just so angry that a girl I have been there for since the day she was born just turned her back on her father because of perceived wrong doings that in her mind are sufficient to just shut me out. Have you tried writing her? Put your thoughts down on paper. It might not change anything but I think it's worth the effort.
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Mar 2, 2008 13:50:26 GMT -5
Lumpy,
I have sent gifts, cards, letters...saying things to the effect of "I am sorry for things I have done to upset you". I have tried to be the best father I have and I apologize for my failures...
According to my younger daugher, my eldest is angry with me because
-I read a few pages in her diary (at the suggestion of her mom no less, and it was left near my computer) -I was more concerned about her going to school than her health issues (which were overly dramaticized by her mom, who kept her home from school at the drop of a hat) -I never took the time to listen to her and understand her
There's only so much I can do. After a while my own sanity has to take priority.
|
|
|
Post by lumpy on Mar 2, 2008 14:08:42 GMT -5
According to my younger daugher, my eldest is angry with me because -I read a few pages in her diary (at the suggestion of her mom no less, and it was left near my computer) -I was more concerned about her going to school than her health issues (which were overly dramaticized by her mom, who kept her home from school at the drop of a hat) -I never took the time to listen to her and understand her There's only so much I can do. After a while my own sanity has to take priority. Address those issues with her in writing. You should have asked her about the diary, regardless of what her mom said. Explain that you are concerned with her health but you feel her mother maybe a little too overprotective. Show her that you are willing to take time to listen to her. No card or gift, just a hand written letter. Again, it may change nothing but it's always worth a try.
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Mar 2, 2008 14:30:17 GMT -5
Lumpy this is the last note I sent her, on a card, along with a gift card, for Christmas. I got no response, and it was after that that I threw in the towel. It doesnt address the diary, but i apologized for that one in an earlier letter written several months prior to the more recent one.
Jessica,
As we go through the holidays once again, it's hard to believe that it's almost a year since we have spoken to each other. I have almost forgotten what your voice sounds like. I really hope that you are doing well, I know that you have been very sick and I wish there was something that I can do for you. I'm sorry that there were arguments and that I yelled at you. I'm sorry for making school seem more imporant than your health, and for not spending more time just listening to you. I know that you don't want to be part of my life, but you are old enough now to make your own choices, and I respect that even if I don't even begin to understand it. Happy Holidays, I wish you nothing but happiness and good health. I'm here if you want or need me. Love Dad.
|
|
|
Post by lumpy on Mar 2, 2008 14:40:03 GMT -5
Lumpy this is the last note I sent her, on a card, along with a gift card, for Christmas. I got no response, and it was after that that I threw in the towel. It doesnt address the diary, but i apologized for that one in an earlier letter written several months prior to the more recent one. Jessica,
As we go through the holidays once again, it's hard to believe that it's almost a year since we have spoken to each other. I have almost forgotten what your voice sounds like. I really hope that you are doing well, I know that you have been very sick and I wish there was something that I can do for you. I'm sorry that there were arguments and that I yelled at you. I'm sorry for making school seem more imporant than your health, and for not spending more time just listening to you. I know that you don't want to be part of my life, but you are old enough now to make your own choices, and I respect that even if I don't even begin to understand it. Happy Holidays, I wish you nothing but happiness and good health. I'm here if you want or need me. Love Dad. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't give up! I get that you've tried. I get that it is frustrating. Parenthood is forever. Keep pounding away at her walls.
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Mar 2, 2008 14:44:47 GMT -5
It's draining. For now, I am done trying. I reached my limit.
I am going to go troll some forums. Maybe that will make me feel better.
|
|
|
Post by pennylane on Mar 2, 2008 15:47:32 GMT -5
everyone has their limits. Keep your door open to her and let her know that.
One of these days, she'll grow up and notice your attempts.
|
|
|
Post by wizer on Mar 2, 2008 16:14:34 GMT -5
You think she will want to be a troll someday like her daddy? That would be fun.
|
|
|
Post by pennylane on Mar 2, 2008 17:40:23 GMT -5
You think she will want to be a troll someday like her daddy? That would be fun. OMG it would be the Wizerdoc.com
|
|
|
Post by Saucy on Mar 2, 2008 17:45:32 GMT -5
don't give up on her doc.
|
|
|
Post by lumpy on Mar 2, 2008 17:49:22 GMT -5
don't give up on her doc. Goddammit, Sauce! I'm a doctor not a farking child psychologist!
|
|