lies, nagging, and other hazardous activities

[freckles]

erf said:

I used to nag the hell out of my ex-wife:

"when are you going to be home?"

and then I would call her and say, "it's two thirty in the morning. When are you coming home?"

and then when she finally did stumble in i would nag, "Where were you? Do you think that is normal for a married mother to do that?"

If only I wouldn't have nagged - we might still be together.

My God

Did you Marry my ExWife ?

[Kim Possible]

blazinheart said:

There is nagging in a relationship if the woman in the relationship is a nag. It doesn't matter what the issues are, she'll find something to nag about, she'll find some way to assume the superior position and start chipping away at the man.

I definitely see your point here. My mother is a nag. While they do have issues (as everyone does) the things she nags about are so ridiculous, like she is looking for trouble sometimes. Case in point, my daughter has something she left at her fathers house, which she needs to bring home (she needs to wear it for an event that will be on one of my days with her). My daughter got on the phone and asked her father to bring it when he comes to get her, she told me he said okay. Okay. Did i feel the need to get on the phone and confirm this? No, I was standing right there when she spoke to him. The next day my mother asks me again "did you tell him to send it home?" I told her about the phone convo. Then she said "did you ask him if he knows where it is?". I said "no mom, that's not my job, I didn't act like that when we were married, I'm certainly not going to go there now. He said he's going to bring it, that's all I need to know" I actually thought of this thread when she said that. She's been nagging my dad for years, over trivial shit.

But the thing is, as was brought up before, when it is not trivial shit, and it needs to be discussed (finances, job, real issues), and one person sees it as nagging and the other sees it as "we need to talk about this", what do you do? How long do you sit back and say "I can't bring this up, because it'll sound like i am nagging"?

[sheyd]

blazinheart said:

Hey, like I said, there are 2 kinds of women in this world, those that nag and those that don't.

I could respond to this that there are two kinds of men in the world, those that limit women and put them in small categories, and those that don't. However, I don't think that is the truth, any more than I think there are those that nag and those that don't. I think there is a HUGE variety of people in this world, and that they act or talk or speak certain ways based on their natural inclinations (like how negative or positive their disposition is, etc - LOTS of factors here...) and their situation. There are people who are inclined to insecurity, and faced with a person who continually lets them down or puts them down this insecurity and its resulting behaviors will grow. Faced with a person who is ALWAYS truthful and forthright, and who is willing to give reassurance when needed, and over time their insecurities will show as behavioral things less and less. (This is easy to see in dogs - treat them like dirt, they get insecure or mean, but even a mal-treated dog can be brought around to better behavior with consistent good treatment.)

There are people who are inclined to do some of the negative things described here as "nagging" - like picking apart people or blasting them - and Blazin - if that is nagging, YOU DO IT, consistently. - read this quote below, and apply it to how you are about women - you "nag" about how awful women are on a continuous, irritating and nasty way. If you want to eliminate nagging - begin with your own treatment of women.

blazinheart said:

he'll find some way to assume the superior position and start chipping away at women. It's his little subconscious way of getting back at women for any number of reasons. Maybe his momleft or beat or nagged his dad, maybe his sister used to beat him up verbally, maybe his first girlfriend used to hurt him verbally, maybe feminism fears taught him that men are the only one who should have a voice, who knows. But a man doesn't nag because women have problems, he nags because he's a controlling, insecure, arrogant person. And nagging is the only way he can assert himself.

Irritating repetitiveness when it isn't welcome is a trait we all have at times, and yes, I admit to it! Not proudly, and if I find it I try to work on it. I also sometimes have the irritating need to check if things are done - something I was only taught when my ex continually let me down about completing things he promised, and his actions (or inactions) affected my children and home negatively for years. That habit is MOSTLY something I have overcome, because Harry often DOES do what he promises. However, in the areas he has not come through several times in the past, I probably do keep checking.

Now, Blazin, I apologize for my negative attack on you of the other night, and I am even sorry I am coming down so harsh on you now, but I think by both the responses after my outburst and the PMs I got, I think it might be something you need to hear. When it comes to negativity and harping over and over about things you see as negative - like women - you ARE a nag. However, I don't see this as a permanent condition, nor have you always been like this. I WANTED to consistently show you positive behaviors, so you would show ME a little respect, and I have had it, occasionally, so I know it is possible. I am afraid my outburst and even current negativity will have damaged those efforts, but I am human too.

Women come in MANY flavors - and they are influenced by who they interact with, just like everyone else. You are correct, if there are people who are SUPER negative, and you choose to spend your life being put down by them, you will be miserable. IF, on the other hand, they have a REASON to say what they are about you, and you are just unwilling to change and/or stand up for your unwillingness to change - just like in every marriage in every issue - it takes two to tango. Those who are "nagged" and those who "nag" both need to take responsibility for a negative situation in their relationship. Sometimes the blame lays more on the person who won't eliminate negative behaviors that affect both partners (the nagee) and sometimes the blame lays more with the person who won't let things go or see things positively (the nag). Either the nagee needs to see their behaviors affect others and change, or the nag needs to recognize they won't change and give consequences - like leaving. Hopefully, the partners will just take the time to communicate and fix their negative ways of responding to each other, because I believe in working on a relationship.

Shey

[blazinheart]

Let talk about the differences between men and women and maybe we'll understand each other a little better. Women are talkers and men are doers. Women are content to sit down with their girlfriends and talk about problems for hours upon hours. Men don't talk about problems, they either accept them or resolve them, but they don't verbally massage them endlessly the way women do. This explains why nags are almost always women. Because women will verbally saturate every problem until all that exists are problems.

Women actually believe they can solve problems by talking. This is a huge farce. Problems don't get solved by talking, they get solved with action. And either someone knows what to do or they don't. But talking it useless. And when a man knows what to do about a problem, he'll address it, until then, men accept the problem and deal with it as best they can until they figure out what to do about it.

You ladies should really pay attention here, because this is a huge issue in marriages. Women simply don't understand their men. Women actually think that their men are oblivious to the problems that exist. Wrong. We just don't verbally masturbate them and obsess over them the way you do.

When a woman confronts a problem she doesn't deal with it, she invites it in for tea and chats with it and becomes very familiar with it, best friends with it, and becomes consumed with it and does nothing whatsoever to alleviate it. And, inevitably, the woman ends up carrying these problems with her everywhere she goes, rather than leaving them alone until she knows what to do about them.

Women rarely solve anything with their talking. Women talk because that's their way of expressing their feelings. Men don't need this, we're not obsessed with our feelings and thus, we're not obsessed with problems. Why do you think the world is and has always been run by men? Because men are doers and women are talkers. When it's time to take care of problem, look for a man. When you want to talk about a problem, look for a woman.

continued.....

[blazinheart]

Now that we've established that women obsess and verbally saturate problems. What's a nag? A nag is a woman who comes at you with nothing but negativity and problems due to the fact that problems are all she things about, talks about, obsesses about.

A nag is a someone(usually a woman) who focuses on the negative because she is generally unhappy with herself and her life. She focuses these negative feelings on her man and endlessly points out everything that is wrong with her life, his life, their marriage, their home, their jobs, their bank account, their children, his behavior, his friends, his family, his habits, etc. etc. etc.

A nag is someone who doesn't respect herself and therefore doesn't offer her man even the most basic respect. A nag fills the home with negativity. A nag rarely has encouraging or positive words for her man. A nag cares only about her own agenda and her own feelings. A nag is miserable and therefore will make her man and her home a miserable place. As far as the marriage goes, a nag does nothing but drive wedges in between she and her husband.

A nag is ungrateful for what she has, ungrateful for having a man, unthankful for what he does for her, and bitter for not getting things her way.

[wizer]

blazin, I take it that things aren't going too well with that long distance chick?

[lumpy]

blazinheart said:

Now that we've established that women obsess and verbally saturate problems. What's a nag? A nag is a woman who comes at you with nothing but negativity and problems due to the fact that problems are all she things about, talks about, obsesses about.

A nag is a someone(usually a woman) who focuses on the negative because she is generally unhappy with herself and her life. She focuses these negative feelings on her man and endlessly points out everything that is wrong with her life, his life, their marriage, their home, their jobs, their bank account, their children, his behavior, his friends, his family, his habits, etc. etc. etc.

A nag is someone who doesn't respect herself and therefore doesn't offer her man even the most basic respect. A nag fills the home with negativity. A nag rarely has encouraging or positive words for her man. A nag cares only about her own agenda and her own feelings. A nag is miserable and therefore will make her man and her home a miserable place. As far as the marriage goes, a nag does nothing but drive wedges in between she and her husband.

A nag is ungrateful for what she has, ungrateful for having a man, unthankful for what he does for her, and bitter for not getting things her way.

Jeez, wouldja put a sock in it? I'm trying to watch football over here.

[blazinheart]

Go CHARGERS!

[sheyd]

Blazin, the trouble is, you keep wanting to lump "women" and "men" into one big sexual division. It isn't that simplistic. Each man and woman are different, with different ways of handling things, different characteristics. As long as you insist on lumping people this way, you will always run into difficulties as people rebel against the unfair and inaccurate labels.

As for the definition of nag - again, I think there are moments of negativity for each person - non-gender related. Again, I say take a look at that definition, and apply it to how you often speak about women, with such negativity. Also, NO ONE I know would fully fit that definition. No one is generally that negative, that selfish, that uncaring, and if they are, the problem is NOT about nagging. It is an overall problem and they would be a very toxic person in general - in which case I would agree - don't have that person in your life.

However, nagging, in general, is NOT that harsh, it is "to annoy by persistent faultfinding, complaints, or demands." It is an annoyance, and something we all do at times. Some more than others, and I would probably agree that often it is more by women than men. Of course, I would also state that this may also be because women are GENERALLY (Again, not all women, not all the time) taught to monitor not only the relationship, but the things that need to be done (vet/doc/dentist visits, bill paying, etc.) Now, some men are better at this responsibility or even relationship monitoring stuff, but my guess is if they are with a woman who is not as careful about it, the men are the "nags".

As for the negativity spouting - Blazin, you really need to take a look at this yourself. You really do attack people, get negative about others who don't do things your way or share your views. You have BECOME the toxic type person you are describing about nagging... I'm sorry to say it, but you have.

Shey

[Dave]

most conservatives (blazin) tend to see only black and white.

and like the joke goes, black scares the hell out of them.

[goods]

erf said:

most conservatives (blazin) tend to see only black and white.

and like the joke goes, black scares the hell out of them.

I take issue with that... "Conservatives" are generally much more open-minded that Liberals. I would consider myself very Conservative, but not racist. Political Correctness is censorship plain and simple.

[Dave]

I know a lot of social conservatives and i would struggle to name one ofthem who i would consider open minded about anything. Isn't that the whole point of social consrvatives? To keep things the way they are if it isn't possible to return to a previous era when thngs were better?

[jules]

damagedgoods said:

I take issue with that... "Conservatives" are generally much more open-minded that Liberals. I would consider myself very Conservative, but not racist. Political Correctness is censorship plain and simple.

;D Oh come on, you've got to be joking. Not about the racist part, but about openmindedness? Really?

I will agree that there are those who take political correctness to an extreme, but there are extremists in every group. In general, being "politically correct" is just being tactful and mindful of others when speaking.

[goods]

You know who "freed the slaves"? Lincoln was a Republican, Northern Conservatives wanted to end Slavery. Southern Democrats were the slave owners.

From left, Charlton Heston, author James Baldwin and Marlon Brando joined Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in the 1963 march on Washington
Conservatives, like Charlton Heston, marched side by side with King in the Civil Rights Movement. Where was West Virginia's Robert Byrd or Al Gore Senior? He and his Southern Democrat cronnies voted against major civil rights legislation including the Civil Rights Act of 1964. It was the Republicans who backed all Civil Rights legislation. Republican Presidents have appointed more Minorities to positions in government, ie Judges, Cabinet.
Majority "Red States" who are generally much poorer than majority "Blue States" donate much much more money to charities. Conservatives want the least amount of government intrusion into your life, Liberals want you to rely on the Federal for every little thing.

[goods]

jules2576 said:

damagedgoods said:

I take issue with that... "Conservatives" are generally much more open-minded that Liberals. I would consider myself very Conservative, but not racist. Political Correctness is censorship plain and simple.

;D Oh come on, you've got to be joking. Not about the racist part, but about openmindedness? Really?

I will agree that there are those who take political correctness to an extreme, but there are extremists in every group. In general, being "politically correct" is just being tactful and mindful of others when speaking.

Who is the Racist?
Kelly Tilghman who when Nick Faldo suggested that young players who might challenge Tiger Woods can “gang up on him", then Tilghman jokingly added a suggestion that they “lynch him in a back alley.”
or
Al Sharpton who has demanded she be fired?

Why is no debate allowed on "Global Warming"? Why won't Al Gore take ANY questions from reporters or debate anyone on the topic. Why are those who want to debate the issue labeled "deniers" ala Holocaust Deniers?
Why is it protesters from the left are the first to shout down anyone with a different opinion. Watch some of the videos www.protestwarrior.com/videos/crashing_the_protests.php and see how the open-minded treat those who disagree.